Things I never thought...

In the past two weeks, I have seen and thought a number of things I never would have imagined.  I mean, growing up in New Jersey and spending a decent amount of time down the shore, I intellectually knew that every so often, there is a hurricane or nor'easter that has the potential to wipe out large swathes of the Jersey shore.  My great-grandmother had a house on the beach in North Wildwood that was wiped out in the nor'easter that hit in 1962.  My mom remembers it well, as she spent a lot of time there summers with her siblings and cousins.  The house was shifted around on its foundation and one wall was torn off, like a dollhouse.   The rebuilding and recovery that followed that storm did not work out in my great-grandmother's favor, as the property was seized by eminent domain, she was not given fair market value and it was decreed that nothing would ever be built on that site.  The statement should have been...nothing will be built on the site until we are offered the right dollar amount, then we'll let the highest bidder build.  Because that's what happened.  No bitterness, and from everything I have heard, my great-grandma took it in stride.  After a storm like that, there is much to be grateful for.  I understand that much better now...I am exceedingly grateful that my family and friends who were hit by "Superstorm Sandy" are all physically unharmed.  Many lost power and suffered property damage, but on the whole, we have been very fortunate.  Even those who cannot get to their homes have family and friends who are more than happy to open homes to welcome them until access or alternatives are available.

I have seen many photos of damage to New Jersey caused by previous storms of a lifetime, but never imagined I would be looking at the reality happening in front of me.  I love the rides on the boardwalks in Seaside and Wildwood and there aren't any words to describe how it feels to see a familiar roller coaster sitting in the ocean with waves washing over it.  (Happily, Wildwood was not impacted the way that Seaside unfortunately is).

Gas rationing is a reality here.  Again, something that I heard stories about from the last time it happened here  ...in the 1970s.  Seeing gas tankers on the road a few days after the storm brought a sense of relief that was surprising, after days of seeing lines several miles long at the gas stations that were open.  Yesterday I saw no fewer than 40 power trucks from various far flung states in my brief commute and felt a second wave of that same relief.  Many have come from far and wide to help get the power back on as we faced some serious cold and a second storm that brought snow to the area.  Thanks to them for traveling far and working in all kinds of crazy weather to help so many strangers!!  

Finally, I never thought the aftermath of a storm would be tougher to weather than the superstorm itself.  Dealing with all of the challenges and the unknown has been much harder than riding out the actual storm.  The storm came, it caused damage, and it ended.  Getting back to normal hasn't really happened yet.  Just because power came back on didn't mean it would stay on, and getting the damage fixed won't happen overnight.  Electric service is not something I will be taking for granted anytime soon.  Nor is cable internet - a modern convenience that really does make a difference in terms of how connected we feel to the rest of the world.  Even relatively minor damage will probably still be with us until spring at the very least.  It has been hard on my daughter, which I am struggling with too.  She keeps asking if there is another storm coming.  She clearly understands that this had a big impact and is concerned, but she is not quite three and I'm not ready for this to be something for her to fear.  Her everyday life has been shaken up, even the little things like going out to play in the backyard and going to daycare to play with her friends.

I know this reads more like a journal entry than a regular blog post, but I don't have a journal and this seemed like a good place to get my thoughts out.  I have heard first hand so many accounts of personal devastation due to the storm that I grow ever more thankful for what I have, and for the people in our lives.  Many firefighters have come from our area as well as from out of state to support the fire companies in the hardest hit areas.  Thank you for your service, and please stay safe!

Superstorm Sandy

Before I start in on the storm itself, just a note about generators:  if you are using one, please, please, make sure that it is OUTSIDE and that the exhaust is pointed away from your home.  Outside does not include in a garage or basement.  Please also make sure that you have battery operated carbon monoxide detectors and that you heed them if/when they sound an alert.  We are starting to see deaths from carbon monoxide poisoning and houses burning down as a result of improper generator use.

Things here in New Jersey were already pretty crazy, then Sandy hit.  We were very fortunate as were our families and most of our friends.  We were all fortunate in that we are dealing with things like property damage and gas shortages rather than loss of life.

During the storm itself, my parents stayed with us after being evacuated from the shore town they live in.  My in laws live in the next town over, they were evacuated as well, they headed up to my brother-in-law's house about 45 minutes north of us.  They were all able to return to their homes on Wednesday, and there was little to no property damage for either.  Sandy shifted north before making landfall, putting their homes on the southern and less severe side of the storm.  We actually got hit harder here in Central NJ than their towns did.  

Just a quick note about evacuation, and then I promise, I am done on my soapbox.  If you live somewhere that is under a mandatory evacuation for a storm, please heed it and head to a family member, friend or emergency shelter.  Staying can put our first responders in serious danger and for the most part these are volunteers who are away from their families to help others in need.  Taking unnecessary risks endangers everyone involved and at the end of the day, property can be repaired or replaced.  Our loved ones can't.

I found the anticipation leading to the storm to be a challenge.  Probably in part because of the anxiety it brought out in my almost 3 year old.  She kept asking if the big storm was here yet.  For that reason, we did our best to keep the tv news and storm reports off.  The first thing she asked each morning was, "Is the storm coming?" Closely followed by the statement, "I don't want the storm to come."  Strangely, last Tuesday she kept telling me she wanted to go to the beach.  When I told her we couldn't go to the beach, she told me we needed to go to the beach right then and build sandcastles.  This was out of the ordinary for her, though she does love the beach.  After all of the anticipation of the storm, she ended up falling asleep a few hours before the worst of it hit us, about two hours earlier than she normally goes to bed.  

Our power went out about two hours before the brunt of the storm hit us, so it was nice to have my parents for company in the dark.  I'm usually on my own with my daughter during severe storms of any kind because my husband is always either working at the hospital or out and about with our volunteer fire company and ems.  The number of calls during events like these tends to be quite high, due to live wires being knocked down, transformers catching fire, people becoming stranded in their homes or on the road, and other issues too numerous to list here.  For us, the wind was the biggest issue.  We live near a river that floods and across the street from a lake, but we are high enough to avoid flooding.

We had six trees come down in the storm, and they did take out our fence.  The fence is less than three months old, and we saved for quite a while to put it up, but it's just a fence, it can be fixed.  The big old trees that fell somehow avoided seriously damaging anything other than the fence and our little lawnmower shed.  My dad and I watch that literally disintegrate as the roots of a tree came out of the ground hoisted it out of the ground. One did fall toward a neighbors house, but it landed on his roof without going through at all.  It's just resting on his roof.  I've never seen anything like it.  

The aftermath of this storm continues to wreak havoc in our area.  We were among the lucky ones to have power restored the day after the storm.  I am thankful for this, but almost feel guilty about it as well.  We have a wood stove insert in our fireplace and a gas stove with two burners that can be used even when the power is out, and we have camping lanterns and a solar hot water heater (though that is only available if it has been sunny).  We filled both cars up with gas before the storm hit, so we haven't had a need to sit in any of the hours long lines hoping to be able to get gas.  

I am saddened to see the devastation this storm wreaked on the Jersey shore.  I have spent many summer days on beaches and boardwalks that are now gone, swept into the ocean.  I can't even wrap my head around it.  The photos and footage don't seem real to me, even though I know they are.  I love living in New Jersey - I don't know of anywhere else where you can live within one hour of major cities, the ocean, forest, and mountains.  I don't always like the way New Jersey is portrayed on reality tv, as that is not my NJ.  The real New Jersey is what I have described above, plus much more.  Those truly from New Jersey are resilient, hard working, knowledgeable people with high expectations of themselves and those around them.  There are also those who are tough talking, but most have an internal toughness and a willingness to reach out to help others that is valuable in times like this.  There are those that say that the shore should not be rebuilt, especially the barrier islands.  I disagree.  The shore will be rebuilt, and improved.  The boardwalks a beaches will be reopened.  I look forward to being part of it and spending time on them with my daughter like my parents and grandparents did with me.  

Until then, I will help in any way I can.  Right now, that means having friends over who still don't have power and staying out of the way until the roads and wires are cleared. It also mean sharing my husband with those in need while he goes on fire and ems calls and works at the state shelters that are open nearby.  It doesn't seem like much right now, especially when there are people who have lost everything.  

Feeling Like I've Found My Calling...Again

I am a licensed, non-practicing attorney working in a corporate setting.  I knew that I wanted to go to law school from the time I was 14 years old.  That was when I discovered my high school Mock Trial team.  I was hooked.  I started out as a spectator and very quickly got more involved.  I found I had a knack for picking out important details when reading a case.  I also had a talent for thinking on my feet and tweaking my case based on what happened in the courtroom.  I didn't know how realistic this forum was, but one of the advisors was a judge and I found myself with a mentor.  Walking into a courtroom after law school, I knew I had found where I was supposed to be.  I'm not big on public speaking in general, but it came naturally in the courtroom. 

Sadly, it appears a litigation career was not in the cards for me.  My dream was to be a county Assistant Prosecutor(AP) (despite the low pay), I never wanted to be on the other side.  I also didn't really want to be in private practice doing civil litigation either.  I worked in enough law offices that did that to know it wasn't my passion.  When I went through law school, no one seemed to have any inkling that the legal job market was about to tank.  Big time.  Where I live, most people take AP jobs to get litigation experience quickly and then move on the the much better pay available in private practice.  The legal job market tanked right when I was hoping to take advantage of that turnover.  The folks who had those low paying government jobs decided they liked having secure jobs and the turnover stopped. 

This left me in a pickle.  Do I try to find another job in private practice somewhere and hope I find my spark again?  Or do I try something totally different?  I went on about 75 interviews in a year and a half and didn't find it.  I did work during that time, but it was on a contract basis.  I found a number of things I couldn't see doing for any length of time...my brain became numb. 

I fell into my corporate job sideways.  I was signed up with a legal temp agency and an unusual opportunity came my way.  It was great, I got to use my law degree every day and my analytical thinking got a workout as well.  I ended up being hired from temp to permanent and loved coming to work everyday.

Fast forward 7 years.  My job has evolved to the point where I no longer do most of the things I loved about my job when I started it.  I've found myself adrift, again trying to find my spark.  My responsibilities are fairly niche, made up of things that are important but the value tends to be missed until something goes wrong.  This also puts me at risk every time there is a reorganization in my company, which, in this economy, is pretty much annually.

This year I decided to put myself out there.  I've been shuffled around many times and felt that I had nothing to lose, so I took an idea that had been percolating for a while and threw it out on the table.  I don't have it all together when it comes to work and family life, but I have found some coping mechanisms the hard way.  I put together a program to make it easier for the moms that come after me, and my company has received it really well!  The program has taken on a life of its own and I have tons of ideas for what comes next for it. It's got the potential to grow like crazy and be a real asset for a family friendly company.  I really wish this were my full time job!  I love my company, I've found my spark, and it is helping my colleagues to help each other - we really are each others best resources. 

It's so exhilirating and kind of depressing at the same time.  Putting myself and my personal experiences out there to facilitate conversations with my colleagues has been surprisingly rewarding.  And once I get them talking, they are full of better ideas than I could ever come up with.  Everyone seems to be energized and motivated when they leave, better able to cope with whatever their situation is.  I've gotten great feedback from many participants in my sessions.  I love feeling that I was a part of that, and that I can continue to be of service to them by having more sessions and more topics...

And then I come back to my real job, so empty by comparison.  I'm not an HR professional and if there were such a job at my company, odds are that I would not even get an interview for it because I would be considered massively underqualified. 

Thanks for reading.  I feel better just having gotten this out.  I'm going to continue to develop the program, as it feeds my spark and makes my day when I can get a group together and make a difference for them. And if it doesn't help my performance rating, then so be it.  I can live with that. 

So I feel like I've found my next calling, but this time I have to figure out how to grow it and make it part of the everyday in my career!

I Got the Mail, Daddy!

Gotta love those little ones and their developing motor skills!  On Sunday, I watched my daughter spend several minutes trying to open our front door.  It's not a light door, and the doorknob is a little slippery for small hands.  On Sunday, she was completely unsuccessful.  By Tuesday, however, she got the hang of it.  Yeesh.  She was home with my husband, who found her in the living room holding a sheaf of paper.  "I got the mail, Daddy!"  Daddy assumes she went shopping in the paper recycling (as she does on a regular basis) and is pretending that those papers are the mail.  Nope.  "No, Daddy, the mail was between the doors."  Since there was a box in our mail that day, the mailman put the remaining mail between the screen and inside door.  Little one opened the door and retrieved the mail!

Now, to be clear, she never left the house and the screen door was locked, so she wasn't getting out.  She can't reach or turn the lock on the screen door, which will now be activated at all times!  It never fails to amaze me when she masters a new motor skill all of a sudden.  She definitely gave her Daddy a heart attack at the thought that she can open the big front door and that constant vigilance will now be required!

Transitioning to Pre-school

I can't believe I am writing these words, but my little one has completed the transition from Toddlers to Pre-school!  This is her first full week of pre-school, and while she is struggling a little with the transition, it is already clear that she is learning lots of new things.  Already! 

Yesterday she used scissors for the first time.  I never would have thought to introduce scissors to a child a few months shy of three years old.  Kind of like I would never have had her finger painting at 5 months old (which she did in daycare, and loved it!).  At the same time, I like to think that I am not a helicopter mom and I do generally let her try things out earlier than other first time moms might. 

As she was eating dinner last night, she very casually looked up at me and said, "Do you have baby scissors?"  When I told her we didn't have scissors for her at home, she very seriously asked me to please go buy some.  So we will, at some point in the near future. 

She also has started to learn what quantity is associated with each number from 1-5.  Obviously not completely, but the jump in knowledge in this and other areas is very noticeable, especially since it has only been a few days.  I wasn't expecting that!

On the down side, she was really attached to her caregiver in Toddlers and we really miss her.  Drop offs this week have been a little shaky.  Our girl is NOT a morning person, so there is a certain amount of grumpy orneriness in the morning.  Dropping her off in toddlers was a breeze, though, because she would see "Miss Sashi" and go right to her for hugs or dive right into whatever activity the group was doing.  There have been actual tears and clinginess this week.  I'm hoping this is very temporary!

Olympic Withdrawal

I miss the Olympics.  I really enjoy them while they are on, even more now that I have a DVR and so could record events that overlapped on the tv schedule.  I also enjoyed fast forwarding through the commercials and fluff pieces that NBC insisted on inserting into their coverage.  And how many times did I need to see bios of the same five female gymnasts?  Um, once was enough for me, thanks.

Issues with NBC's coverage aside, I'm going through withdrawal a little bit this week.  To be honest, neither I nor my DVR can keep up with that many hours of tv per week, so it's probably better that it is over.  I always really enjoy the swimming and am thrilled that it is getting so much exposure these days.  I swam competitively back in the day and really loved it, so it's fun to watch.  I always like to watch Michael Phelps swim, he makes it look so easy.  I could have done with a little less Ryan Lochte, the more I saw of him, the less I liked him.  He's a little too much ego and not quite enough sportsmanship and love of the sport for my taste.  I am now a big fan of Missy Franklin - I love that she gets so much joy from swimming and that she didn't bend to pressure to move to an Olympic training center because she wanted to stay close to her family and friends and continue to have fun.  She's a great role model - at 17 no less!!  I can't wait to follow her career and watch her in Rio hopefully!

My daughter caught the Olympic bug too, and each night this week asked to watch the Olympics.  She also made requests to fast forward to her two favorite sports - swimming or beach volleyball. 

She specifically asks each night if we can watch "Misty Franklins" (Missy Franklin) swim in the Olympics.  She is a water bug herself, at two and a half she is fearless.  She jumps right into the pool and heads straight into the ocean without blinking, regardless of temperature.  She's going to give her mama a heart attack though, since she thinks she can swim already!

She also loved the beach volleyball.  Her daycare provider let me know that one day this week she was on a deck on the playground, bouncing a ball and running around.  When asked what she was doing, she replied, "I'm playing beach volleyball."  If that interest continues, hopefully she'll end up taller than her mommy! 

Job Interview Frustration

I'm ready to be on vacation again.  Seriously.  I enjoy working, but there are so many things I would be able to keep on top of at home if I could find the right part time position...or if I won the lottery...of course, to win, one must play.

I'm feeling very frustrated.  I had an interview for a full time position within my current company today.  It falls within my area of expertise.  Unfortunately, there is also a candidate who is already working within the department, and she is a strong candidate for the job.  I wish there were some way that they could indicate when there is already a front runner for the job, so I could save myself the trouble.  Don't get me wrong, the interviewer was very nice...but I view it as a bad sign when she repeatedly says, "What about a job in _____?  That seems like it would be a great fit for your skill set."

I recently received an email link to a job posting that is perfect for me...three states away.  This is turning out to be the story of my career lately.  I know it is partially because my standards are high in some areas.  I am not willing to relocate.  I would really like to stay with my company.  It has to pay at least a certain amount and be within a reasonable commute from my home.  But these have always been my standards, and somehow I have always had the right opportunity come up eventually.  And some of them have come up in horrible economic times, so I am unwilling to accept that as a justification.  I have been looking for a LONG time now, and nothing is working out.  I'm out of ideas.  Help!

Thanks for letting me vent.  I'm seriously considering buying a few lottery tickets on my way home tonight.

Worm Food

I have been delinquent in posting this month!  I got caught up in summer fun...we had our back yard fenced in, bought a canopy/umbrella and a picnic table and so have been spending most of our non-work time outdoors.  This past week we were on vacation down the shore, which was the place to be in the record breaking heat!  We were fortunate that we were not in the path of the derecho either at home or down the shore - it passed between the two.  Our home is far enough north and my parents' home down the shore was far enough south that we were very fortunate. 

We've spent this week getting back into the swing of things, unpacking, cleaning up, checking out how the garden did in the extreme heat while we were away.  My plants all survived the heat just fine, but something is eating all of my bean, squash and zucchini plants!  To the point that I don't think many of them are going to make it.  There are times when I wish I had a security camera pointed at the garden so that I can see which critters are responsible.  It's hard to formulate a defense without know what is getting in...through the ten foot fence!

The week before we left for vacation, we bought a Worm Factory and set it up.  We have been there done that with traditional compost piles and we have a compost tumbler.  Both worked fine, but I was really looking for an option that would allow us to compost our kitchen scraps year round.  I prefer to keep as much as possible out of the landfills, and composting is so easy.  I had been thinking about giving vermicomposting a try for quite some time, but it took me a while to get past my hang ups about having worms in the house.  I am so happy I did get over it, because it's actually fun to vermicompost.  My daughter is especially enjoying it.  She loves checking on the worms to see if they are eating and loves to watch us feed the worms.  I was a little nervous initially that she would be inclined to relocate the worms, but she understands that they live in their composter and are very happy there. 

So when we bought the Worm Factory, I was thinking that we would put it in the garage, because I didn't really want worms inside the actual house.  When it arrived, we were experiencing such extreme temperatures that the only option was to set it up inside the house so our worms didn't get cooked.  It's in the kitchen, and I am really impressed that there is no smell whatsoever to this unit.  The worms settled right in and made no attempt to make a run for it.  I must admit, the first few mornings, I half expected to walk into the kitchen and see worms everywhere, trying to get away!  I made the obvious rookie mistake and overfed the worms, but it worked out to be perfect timing for our vacation.  A week and a half of benign neglect solved that particular problem, and now that we are back, we are well on our way to some really nice looking compost and we and the worms are ready to start the next feeding tray! 

My next challenge will be learning to pressure can.  Everything I have read seems to be designed to scare people away from pressure canning with warnings about how you can easily kill your whole family.  I am refusing to be frightened off, though.  I live near a large state university, which has a large agricultural school with a food science department.  I am hoping I can find some kind of resource there.  Many of the warnings I have read tell you never ever to can your own recipes, that they must be tested thoroughly by food scientists before it is okay to pressure can them.  I'm wondering if there is somewhere that I can submit a couple of recipes to have them tested out by pros. 

Going Into Homesteader Mode

I sometimes think I lived on a farm in a past life...though if I was, my proclivity for sleeping until at least 9 am would have been a problem.  I have the itch to grow ever more in my garden and am gradually branching out into other areas like growing from seed, composting, and canning.  It's addictive!  My husband has been itching to get a couple of chickens, and for the first time I am thinking I should agree.  Then I think about cleaning the coop and having to find someone to care for them when we go away.  I also think our senior German Shepherd would be a problem...rather than herding, I suspect she would treat the birds as prey. 

This time of year, as the weather gets warmer and we start spending more and more time outside, I love to be in my vegetable garden.  It is ever expanding, despite the fact that the wildlife in our suburban neighborhood makes a pretty substantial fence around the garden necessary.  For years, we had green garden fencing about 6-7 feet tall, with rabbit fence buried about a foot deep.  We figured that the buried rabbit fence would thwart the many, MANY groundhogs that seem to be drawn to our yard.  For the most part, it did, with only one exception that I am aware of.  We were trapping the groundhogs and relocating them across the river from our home.  There was one groundhog that would not be caught, probably because he was too big to fit into our have-a-heart trap.  I couldn't figure out how he was getting into the garden to take two bites of our unripe produce before discarding it on the ground for us to find until one memorable night when I came out onto the second floor balcony in the back of our house and saw him HANGING from the top of the fence.  He was scaling the fence to get in and out for his munching sessions. 

That worked (the one ornery groundhog aside) until the unfortunate day when we found that somehow a deer had leaped into the enclosure and then panicked, knocking over and smashing several tomato plants and cages on his way straight through the fence on the opposite side.  He was clearly fine, he demolished the fence with one charge and it didn't even slow him down. Happily, there was no blood or fur left behind, so I am confident that he was fine, having watched his panic and subsequent departure in horror.

So that brings us to our current fence, ten feet tall and with posts set in concrete.  I love it!  There will be no deer getting in from now on - safer for them and for my heart.  I planted from seed this year, so of course I have more plants than I have space in the garden, but have been happily giving the extras away to friends. 
I kept way more than I probably should have, so I know that if all goes well with growing this season, we will have more harvest than we will be able to consume.  One year I happened to be unemployed when planting time came, and I planted 75 tomato plants.  They were different varieties, but there were 75 of them!  From this past experience, I know that we will have more than we will be able to give away, even though we will be well under a total of 75 plants.  We grow tomatoes (beefsteak, heirloom and cherry), peppers, zucchini, squash, bush beans, sweet potatoes, melons, raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries. I am toying with the idea of putting some of the extra harvest down by the street with an honor box - a common practice where I grew up (about an hour from here), but not sure how it would go here. 

I also just invested in my first pressure canner.  Despite hearing horror stories of them exploding and being afraid of the process, if I can get the hang of it pretty quickly, it will save both produce and freezer space.  I have canned in the past, but never ventured beyond the water bath canner.  I need to be able to can low acid foods, which you can't do with a water bath canner.  I also really like to make soups in my crockpot, and it would be nice to be able to can several batches of our favorites.  I went with the All American 921 21.5 Qt, but I've heard very good things about the less expensive Presto pressure canners as well. 

Now I'm off to craigslist to prospect for more canning jars - hopefully I'm going to need them!

Dancing With The Stars Withdrawal Begins

It has been one week since Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) had its finale, and already my two year old is going into withdrawal.  Of course, this could have something to do with the fact that she still has no concept of time...everything is immediate for her still.  I really work on not telling her about places we are going or events I know she will be excited about because she wants it to happen immediately and if it doesn't, like any two year old, she asks about it EVERY. FIVE. SECONDS.  So for my own sanity, I give her at most a couple hours of lead time.  More than two hours real time seems to equal an eternity in toddler time.  It just occurred to me that the no concept of time thing also seems to work in reverse, as she also refers to things that happened months ago (our trip to Great Wolf Lodge waterpark, her cousin's first birthday party back in April) as though they happened yesterday.  Hmm.  Interesting. 

Back to DWTS - between the fact that it does always seem to be in season and that we DVR it, Little One really does think it's on demand. (And WOW does it eat up DVR space.)  She thinks all of the female dancers, whether celebrity or pro, are Cinderella.  She differentiates between them with the color of their costume each week, so we have "Red Cinderella", "Yellow Cinderella", etc.  The exception was this season, after she saw pictures of Sherri Shepherd's son as a baby, she became "The Baby's Mommy".  Brooke Burke-Charvet is the "Cinderella Who Doesn't Dance", and Tom Bergeron is "The Boy Who Talks" or "The Boy Who Doesn't Dance". 

As soon as DWTS comes on, Little One runs to get her Cinderella dress and shoes.  The dress is a hand me down from when one of our neighbors was two and went to a wedding.  It's very sweet, but has seen better days, so it is perfect for playing dress up.  She pulls it on over whatever she is wearing, which makes for some great photo opportunities.  Then she dances along, which I like, because she isn't just parked in front of the tv, mesmerized. The only downside is that she often wants me to dance with her, which I just can't sustain for an entire 2 hour episode!

This weekend, Little One went to the hardware store with her daddy.  On the way home, from the dark backseat, he hears, "Welcome back to Dancing with the Stars!"  I've created a monster!

It's going to be a long summer of "I wanna watch Dancin', please" and trying to explain that it won't be on again for quite a while.  Hopefully she will have so much fun playing outside this summer she will forget all about it...

Everything Must Go! Okay, Not Really.

I felt much better this week.  Happily, our house didn't fall down around our ears while I was sick.  Having routines in place for the everyday tasks like laundry and dishes really made a difference.  Knowing that each thing would take less than 15 minutes to do made it possible for me to wrap my head around actually doing it.  Also, knowing that the laundry is mostly caught up, it really was not a big problem to skip a day here and there.  Now that I am feeling 100% again, it was easy to pick up where I left off and do just one extra thing each day.  That is pretty unusual for me, and felt great!

I am still digging out from when we were putting our addition on.  One would think you'd start with this great, empty new space and only bring into it the stuff you need on day one.  Unfortunately, there really isn't a day one when you do something like this unless you are living elsewhere!  We wanted to get rid of the expense of having a storage unit as quickly as possible, so the furniture and boxes that were stored went right into - you guessed it - the new parts of our house.  I am still digging out almost a year later.  I got through 6 boxes this week! 

In those boxes were many items that we no longer want or need.  Many of them came from when my in-laws moved (almost 10 years ago) from a 3 story house with full basement to a four room condo.  I didn't realize until recently how much of the stuff that was in the old house found it's way to our house.  I thought we did a pretty good job of turning them down, but it is now clear that we really didn't.  (Avoiding the mounted buck's head seemed like a big victory at the time.)  Most of it is just stuff - we don't need it and we don't particularly like it. We are not knick-knacky people, and my in-laws definitely are.  Also, our taste levels differ wildly.  So many of these items must go.  I don't have room to store other people's cast-offs. 

Now the trick is disposing of these things. Having had a couple, I am opposed to yard sales. I end up storing stuff that I do not want for months on end until I find a convenient day to hopefully have lots of people tromp all over my front lawn, with no guarantee that the stuff will actually depart.  I like donating things, but some of the items can't be donated to my favorite charities, and some of it is actually worth enough that I am considering selling it on eBay or craigslist.  I don't love that either, as it still means dedicating part of my house to storage until I take photos, figure out how much I want to ask for it and then hopefully sell and ship it.  These are all steps that take me longer than they should.  I think I am going to test run 1 or 2 items and then if it is too much of a hassle, I will have to freecycle them or figure something else out.  I'm hoping that having a plan helps me to overcome my inertia on this.  I'm becoming highly motivated to get the white elephants out - they take up too much space.  I've also realized that many of them stress me out because of negative relationships with those who caused them to come into my home. 

I am trying not to get too far ahead of myself with the decluttering, lest it become overwhelming.  I get overwhelmed by this rather easily, and then instead of taking a few minutes to accomplish something small that moves me in the right direction, I find myself completely incapable of getting anything done. 

I also promised myself that I will spend as much time as possible outside this summer.  I will need to make this work with continuing to move myself forward with decluttering the indoors.  Maybe I will commit to maintaining and making sure it doesn't backslide, then anything else I accomplish is icing on the cake.  Yes, I realize I am playing mind games with myself, but it really does seem to work.  I apply the same principle with my employees at work - set clear, attainable expectations.  It works there, so why not give myself the same?

Back to the Drawing Board

This has been a crazy week.  Actually, May has been a crazy month thus far.  I'm happy, yesterday it finally stopped raining here and the sun came out.  We had crazy warm weather back in March (80s - unheard of for NJ that time of year!) and it seems that May decided to make up for it.  Happily, it is getting warmer and I am hopeful that the allergens will finally start to die down so I can feel like a human being again. 

Last week I was down for the count with a sinus infection.  It hit me fast and hard.  I used to get somewhere in the neighborhood of eight to ten sinus infections a year, but over the past few years I have had good control over my allergies.  Immunotherapy seems to be the key for me, despite the fact that after a year of consistently doing it, I still tested positive for all of my known allergens.  I'm trying not to let that discourage me, as the timing of my re-testing was bad for morale.  Right smack in the middle of the worst allergy season in decades, of course I am not going to be feeling great.  I still need to keep getting the treatment.  Okay, self pep talk over.  Going to keep doing it.  Moving on.

This week I had a couple of crazy days at work and then went on a job interview.  I realized beforehand that I haven't been on a live, in-person interview in about five years.  This led to some wardrobe panic the night before, when I realized that not one of the dozen suits in my closet still fits me.  I've gotten so used to business casual that I haven't donned a suit in years.  Not since before my daughter was born.  Yikes. 

Not having time (and not really wanting to spend money, to be honest) to go buy a new suit, I improvised.  I have a nice business-y dress from Banana Republic that fits me perfectly and I threw one of the suit jackets over it, unbuttoned.  I was happy with it in the end, it looked enough like a suit to be appropriate for an interview. 

The interview itself went really well, I thought.  I was very comfortable with all three of the interviewers and the more I think about this job, the more I want it!  It would be a big change for me - it would take me from full time to part time, and it is in a totally different area than I currently work in, though at the same company.  It would be a great fit for me though.  It's an opportunity to get into a group that is tough to break into without direct experience, but is a logical fit for me with my legal background.  It would also enable me to face a new challenge without disrupting my daughter's world - she would get to stay right where she is for daycare and get to spend more time with Mommy.  Lots of positives!

I'm a little down today because I heard through the grapevine that there is a strong candidate for the job who is not me.  I am hoping that I blew the doors off the interview and that I at least make the decision hard for the hiring manager.  Fingers crossed!  But I am also going to try to start talking myself down, because I really got my hopes up, and I don't want to be devastated if I don't get an offer. 

I'm definitely going for a run today...I haven't run in almost two weeks!  I hate being sick.  I was going to try to run through my illness, but with what it was, I just couldn't do it.  I decided it was better to rest and get healthy rather than risk getting further run down and either getting hurt or having the sinus infection progress to bronchitis or pneumonia, as has happened to me in the past.  I was feeling nervous about getting back on the horse, because I was doing so well with training before I got sick.  But the news I heard today about the job opportunity is providing me with more than enough motivation...I have frustration to burn off!

Wish me luck!

My Weekend in Review

I'm operating in reverse this week - I am currently spending my week at work recovering from my weekend.  I ran an 8k on Sunday morning.  It was great!  I really enjoy racing.  I was nervous beforehand because I have never run that far in a race and the weather was supposed to be miserable.  Happily, the weather cooperated and it was about 50 degrees and overcast, but not raining.  It started to drizzle at about mile 4, but the pouring rain held off until I was walking back to the car.  It was perfect! 

I had three goals for this race: 1) finish the race; 2) run more than I walked; and 3) finish in under an hour and fifteen minutes. 

I achieved all three!

I am very excited, as this is only the second race that I have ever actually run.  I have registered for a number of local 5ks for charity, but I walked all but one of them.  I don't have a Garmin, so I have no idea what my splits were, but I do know that my pace was 10:36.  In training, I generally seem to be in the neighborhood of a 12 minute mile, so I was happy with my pace.  It didn't feel super fast, but when I hit the two hills on the course at around miles 2 and 4, I had enough energy to shorten my steps and speed up my turnover. 

When I felt like I couldn't keep going, I kept giving myself permission to stop and walk at a point within sight ahead.  Each time I got to the point I had chosen, I realized that I didn't need to stop.  I ran the whole way!

Before I knew it, I was looking at the home stretch.  Around mile 2, I chose three women running nearby (okay, slightly ahead) of me to pace myself.  I told myself that I would try to stick close to them and pass them at the end if I could.  At mile 4, one of them took off and left me in the dust.  As I approached the finish line, I really didn't have much left in the tank, but I was able to power myself past my two remaining pacers.  Being a competitive person, I was happy I was able to do that. 

I finished the race in 52:44.83.  I won't be winning any medals with that time, but I really enjoyed the race and can't wait to do it again.  I have a PR to beat now!  An added bonus: I test drove running with a new handheld Camelbak water bottle, which I really liked, and I ran with an Amphipod Airflow Microstretch belt to carry my phone and car key.  In the future, if I do decide to train for a half marathon, I will need somewhere to stash fuel.  I'm not crazy about carrying water, but I also hate trying to drink fast from a paper cup.  With the water bottle, I had my nuun and could cruise right past the water stations.  I am convinced that it made a difference in my time.   I am going to call this a successful race and test run! 

Performance Anxiety

I am experiencing performance anxiety on a couple of fronts right now.  I am applying for jobs, and each one has a questionnaire online that is the first weed out. I have a tendency to overthink answering these questions, which are directly related to the skills required to get hired for the job.  I read the posting and think to myself, "I can do this job, no problem!" Then I get into the questionnaire and start second guessing myself, "Well, I know this, but do I technically have 'experience' in it?  I should answer no to this."  And I don't even want to think about how I psych myself out on the open ended questions.  I am generally an articulate person, but on these essay questions I lose my ability to put two words together coherently. 

I didn't have this much trouble with the bar exam, for crying out loud!!

I am also getting nervous about running my first race since before my daughter was born.  Most people probably would have started with a 5k, but for some reason I saw this 8k at my alma mater and couldn't resist.  I live about 5 minutes from campus, which added to the appeal.  I then told my sister-in-law about it, because she has recently started running as well, and she signed up too.  So there is no chickening out!  My legs have felt like lead this week - I'm tired and my allergies are raging.  It has been beautiful weather for the past week, sunny and warm.  We don't usually get this many days in the 70s this time of year, so I was happy thinking that it will be a beautiful spring morning to go for a run.  It's not meant to be.  The forecast for Sunday morning is 60 degrees and pouring rain.  I should have known that would happen, as Murphy and I are good friends.  I generally don't run outside when it's raining, as there are few things I hate more than being cold and wet. 

I especially dislike having cold wet feet, a fact that my dad teased me about for years.  When I was a teenager, I was a competitive swimmer.  I swam year round, spent most of my time wet, and would go outside with wet hair in the dead of winter (it did freeze, in case you were wondering), without a second thought.  But stepping in a puddle and having cold wet feet made me absolutely miserable. So the idea of running in the rain in any season but summer is not something that exhilirates me.   

Still, there are many upsides that I have to keep in mind.  Once I get warmed up, I think I can make the 5 miles...if I don't stop.  Once I get in my groove, I feel like I can go forever.  It's actually very much like when I was a distance swimmer.  I had two speeds - on and off.  If I can get "on", then I will be fine.  And no matter how I do, I will set a personal record (PR), because it's a distance I have never raced before.

And finally, I don't want to wish the rain away - we are on the verge of a drought here, and I would rather have some rain than end up in a drought situation.  It has been nice to have our solar panels generating so much energy and hot water (building up a credit to pay for our air conditioning this summer!), but I also plant a vegetable garden each year and I want to be able to put my seedlings outside to get rained on and start to harden off. 

I feel better now that I've given myself this little pep talk.  I am excited to apply for a new job and try something new, and to run a distance I've never tried before.  I need to keep my eye on the prize and not talk myself out of great experiences!

Putting a Bow on the Week

Lots of random thoughts today, not sure why, but I feel the need to get them all out here. So here comes a stream of consciousness!

I ran six miles yesterday.  I never thought I would write those words.  But I did, because I ran six miles yesterday!  I thought I would be dying today, but I feel pretty good!  I'd feel even better if my allergies and sinuses weren't going crazy, but it is that time of year.  I'm thinking I need to try acupuncture -- I have been taking allergy meds forever, have tried shots and sub-lingual immunotherapy (SLIT), all to no avail.  I have a lot of trouble functioning in the spring and fall, and as a mom, it's not like it's an option to just hide out in bed until it passes.  I just got retested this week after a year and a half of SLIT, and not only are my existing allergies reduced, I picked up one or two new ones.  REALLY!?!  That was not what I needed to hear.  So anyway, I've heard good things about acupuncture, and if it relieves any of my symptoms at all, I will be happy.  Especially if it can make me less susceptible to sinus headaches.  They are seriously slowing me down.  And they are making it tough for me to stick to my training plan for the 10k I promised to run with my sister-in-law in NYC in June.  I have a couple of races scheduled for the end of this month too, and I'm going to be really upset if I can't run or am hampered by my allergies/sinuses!  

Have you tried acupuncture?  Did it help with whatever you were hoping for help with?  How did you find a good, reputable acupuncturist?

My niece is turning one this weekend and having a party.  (I did say this was going to be a random post, right?)  So tonight I have to go out and get her a present.  I usually try to do most gift purchasing online, usually on Amazon.com, but I decided it would be fun to take my daughter and let her help pick something out for her cousin.  She adores her little cousin, they are super cute together.  I had some ideas on what to get for her, but unfortunately I didn't write them down, so I guess we will have to wing it.  I have no memory anymore! Maybe some Little People, or Green Toys -  we love to give the Green Toys Fire Truck as a first birthday present.  We'll probably also try to find one or two clothing items as well, but for some reason, I really like to give toys to toddlers. 

What are some of your favorite things to give as first birthday gifts?

On Sunday, we are going to see the Flyers play the Penguins in game 3 of the NHL Eastern Conference Quarter Finals.  I love this time of year!  Can't wait to get all Flyer'd up and go see the game with my mom and my daughter! 

What's your fave sports team?  Do you get extra worked up to root for them during the post-season?

I'm going to be spending a lot of time driving this weekend so that we can attend all of these festivities, as both are over an hour away.  I'm tired just thinking about it.  But it will be worth it, and hey, it's easier than it was when my daughter was in diapers and eating only baby food and couldn't go more than ten minutes without nursing (that's what it felt like!).  At least now I can just throw a change of clothes in the car and go.

I'm also going to have to figure out when I am going to get my cooking for the week done, since we will be out most of the day both Saturday or Sunday.  I have collard greens I need to cook before they go bad, I think I'm going to pair them with citrus peppercorn tilapia for dinner tonight.  I will have to think about my weekend cooking this afternoon and plan something to throw in the crock pot each day and have my husband pull it out when he gets up.  It's his work week, so he's sleeping days and working nights this weekend.  I like this idea!  I'll have to come up with two good spring crock pot meals...I'm off to see what strikes my fancy and aligns with what is in my pantry!

Defeating the Laundry Monster

I have lived for years in a house that I half expected to disappear under piles of wrinkled, clean laundry.  For the past month, I have been plugging along with my little routines, but could not get out from under the laundry.  My husband would be home during the day and wash and dry five loads of laundry...but fold one or less.  It crept out of the laundry room and quickly took over the living room, master bedroom and walk in closet. We had baskets and piles of clean, wrinkled clothes everywhere!   I finally hit my breaking point!  I felt like my house was such a mess, looking back, I realize that the laundry everywhere made everything seem unkempt.  Including us, when we went to wear these rumpled articles of clothing!  So embarrassing. 

I decided to have a chat with my husband about this habit of his.  He thought he was helping, while I would have preferred he do one load from start to finish - washed, dried, folded and put away.  I decided that we would try something new, and miraculously, he agreed without argument.  One load of laundry per day, start to finish.  I am amazed, but two weeks later, the laundry was under control and we are not surrounded by clothes!  I thought it would take a lot longer.  This is not to say that I don't still have 4 closets to go through and thin out, but at least we aren't drowning in our current clothing.  I did realize two things - I need to buy more hangers, and we probably have too many clothes.  This sounds backwards, but we are still, bit by bit, moving into the new walk in closet in our bedroom, and so I am hanging more things that got shoved in drawers in the past.  I will also be working to gradually pull out and donate the clothes we don't wear and throw away the holy socks, before they ever get to live in the nice, new closet. 

It's been about two months since I started doing a load of laundry a day, and I'm actually to the point where I have the time, energy and space to wash some things that periodically need it.  Like the rubber backed bath mats. Now it is easy.  Never thought I would say that! 

I am converted.  It's so much more manageable this way!!  It is mentally easier to throw in a load now...I've given myself permission to change which step is first, so for my first load, I folded what was in the dryer.  That was step one.  Step two was wash more laundry, and third and final step for day one was running them through the dryer.  Day two, load two started with folding.  You get where I am going with this.  Since I do laundry in the evening after work, this way I am not miserably folding clothes at midnight and lugging them around trying to quietly put them away.

I felt so defeated by the laundry, having it under control makes me feel like I can accomplish so much more to reclaim my house from the addition construction and our rampaging toddler! 

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I'm definitely on the wrong end of this one this week.  It's amazing how this seems to happen both at work and at home simultaneously, despite the fact that they are two very distinct worlds for me.  About a year ago, I attended a panel discussion on work/life balance for women in my company.  It was mostly women talking about how great our company is for this, how wonderful they have it, blah, blah, blah.  Unfortunately, it all hinges on who your direct supervisor is and how willing they are to be flexible and allow work/life balance to happen.  So while it was interesting, it was also very disheartening, because I am not permitted to use any of the great programs that these women love.  One of the women who spoke presented a great visual that is still in my head, and I am actually visualizing it right now. 

If I think about all the things I am responsible for, I can divide them up into balls.  Keeping certain balls up in the air is more important than others, so I picture them as being made of different materials.  For example, the only ball made of crystal is my family...it's the one that I view as most important to prevent from permanent damage and would be the hardest to repair.  Therefore, it is the one that I absolutely cannot drop.  Others are less important and so I imagine them as more resilient materials.  If I screw them up somewhat, not the end of the world. 

This week it is all I can do to keep that crystal ball up in the air. 

The past few weeks, I have been feeling great: getting my house cleaner, getting a healthy, homemade dinner on the table at a reasonable time more often than not, having fun with my husband and daughter, running more, being more productive at work.  This week I am just tired and I am NOT motivated.  I had a conversation with my boss that made it clear that he does not see the value I am bringing, and I get so frustrated by that.  I have had twelve bosses in four years, so basically by the time I get one on board and educated in what I do, they have moved on and I have to start all over again.  Not ideal.  My current boss is inflexible and has a tendency to micromanage.  Also not ideal.

When I get home, I am tired.  We have eaten pizza more times in the past week than I care to admit.  Happily, most of my routines are keeping me afloat at home, so while I haven't progressed onto the clean outs that are long overdue, at least I haven't lost ground.  I am still able to easily keep up with the laundry, and I am still making sure that the kitchen sink is empty before I go to bed.

Writing this out has actually helped me today...though I am still dragging, I am more optimistic than when I started this post.  I haven't charged forward like I had hoped to, but that crystal ball is still steadily up in the air and the house hasn't backslid into utter chaos.  I will just keep plugging along and I will get myself moving forward again.

Super Mom? Yes, Ma'am

About two years ago, my daughter A was born.  After being home for a couple of days, I had the panicked thought, "I'm never going to have time to cook a meal again! There is never enough time to do the prep work and then actually cook - she needs to eat so often, and wants to be held at the most inconvenient times!"  Then I took a deep breath and banished the thought from my mind - that was why I stocked my freezer ahead of time, right?  Yep.  So I just kept plugging along and doing the best that I could.  Lo and behold, around the time she turned two I realized that I was really starting to feel like myself again.  I no longer felt like I needed to sleep every time I got 5 minutes to sit down.  I had energy again!  Until then, I don't think I understood that I hadn't fully recovered from her coming into our lives.  Yes, my body was recovered in the sense that stitches were healed, but not from the getting less than two hours of sleep at a time and trying to keep everything from crashing down around me while providing A with everything that she needed.  The mental and emotional stress was overwhelming.  I have many balls in the air, stressful full time job, getting A to and from daycare, quality time with my husband, managing around his crazy schedule and solo parenting during his work week, getting decent meals on the table, visiting family on a regular basis who live 1-2 hours away, caring for our elderly and immune compromised dog, part-time job, house still under renovation...and on and on. 

I always told myself that I'm not super mom and that I would never try to be.  But that is exactly what I was unconsciously doing.  And something had to give.  I was sacrificing my well being to keep all those balls in the air.  I was staying up way too late to get things done, I wasn't exercising, I was frustrated at work and my house looked like a bomb hit it.  The only thing I was really getting right was loving my family and enjoying my time with A. 

I have gradually been putting little routines in place that have helped me tremendously.  Something as simple as picking out my clothes the night before and putting everything I need to take with me the next day in one spot, ready to go, saves me anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour in the morning.  (I am sooo not a morning person.) I've been doing that for a couple of years now.  Other than that, though,  I have mentally resisted the truism that daily routines really do make life easier.  Intellectually, I knew it was true, but I always had an excuse ready for why it wouldn't work for me.

The next thing I worked on was having at least a rough plan for meals for the coming week.  This is usually based around what I have in the fridge that will go bad if it isn't used promptly.  I try to cook and freeze or refrigerate at least three meals for the coming week on Sunday, and I use my crock pot frequently.  (It's so addictive!)  I found a couple of tools that really make meal planning, prep and execution so much easier - since my goal is not just to get any old thing on the table, but to make an effort to have it be healthy and taste good.  I don't remember how I got by without the Six O'Clock Scramble (requires a subscription) or Stephanie O'Dea's Year of Slow Cooking blog.  These ladies know what they are doing!

Without realizing it, my routines have turned me into a super mom!  Not in the sense that I originally thought, where mom is stressed out trying to do it all.  More in the way that if I stick to a few simple routines, I gain a cleaner house, am less stressed and we are all happier and more relaxed.  I actually had the time and energy to bake cookies with A on Monday night!  A work night!  This was previously unheard of in our house! 

I'm on a roll, so more posts on routines will be coming in the next week.  I can't believe I resisted this for so long!  Next up is laundry!

Avoiding Juice Box Floods and Teddy Graham Attacks

It's funny, before I was a parent, there were products that seemed completely ridiculous and like a waste of money.  Now that I have a super active toddler, I'm rethinking my stance on some of these.  Don't get me wrong, there are some that I still think are a total waste of money, like cart and high chair covers...don't get me wrong, I do wish I had come up with it first, as I see these everywhere.  Whoever came up with them is likely very well off financially.  But I won't be purchasing one, partly because I need one more thing to carry in my diaper bag like I need a hole in my head.  The other reason is that I am not germaphobic at all.  I can hit the cart with a baby wipe or cart wipe if I feel like it needs it, and I truly believe that germs cannot live long enough on hard plastic and metal to make my kid really sick.  Some of the things I thought were good ideas but not worth spending money have turned out to be some of my favorite travel items.  We spend a fair amount of time in the car...to and from daycare and other local outings and also one to two hour rides to visit family on a fairly regular basis.  So we have to have at least two Munchkin snack cups and Dwink juice box holders - one for each car.  In reality this means we have more, because they come inside to ride through the dishwasher and sometimes to be used in the house. We limit food to the kitchen for the most part, so the snack cups are not essential for in the house, but are a life saver in the car.  They get used pretty much every single day either for cereal on the way to daycare or animal crackers or Teddy Grahams or similar as an after school snack.  Juice boxes tend to be an away from home thing too, since we use cups at home...and juice is more of a treat than a regular thing.  I also like to water it down since I think it is too sweet undiluted, and so I like the little Fruitables juice boxes that combine fruit and vegetable juices.  These are 66% juice, but looking at the ingredients, it appears that this is because of the addition of filtered water, so I believe they are watering them down for me.  If I am wrong about this, please correct me, as I would like to know if I am missing something here.  Anyway, these are only 4 oz, so I was concerned that they wouldn't fit in a juice box holder.  The Dwink is perfect though, because you just turn the little Fruitables boxes sideways and pop it right in and it holds it firmly.  I am not a fan of having a juice fountain spraying all over when out in public (or in the backseat of my car), so I love this product. 

Now I just need to find the best sippy cup...though I am starting to think we own every sippy ever made.  Some day I'll find it.  Probably the day before my daughter stops using sippy cups altogether!

February Blahs

Happy Valentine's Day!  Or...welcome to mid-February!  Valentine's Day isn't a big deal in our house, though it was fun cutting hearts out of red construction paper with my daughter and letting her color all over them for her friends.  She had a blast, which I love.  I think she will be asking to make more hearts for the next few months though.  It took us a couple of weeks to make 10 of them, so she doesn't seem to associate them with just one day.  That's alright.  Hearts are within my repertoire.  Hearts and snowflakes.  That's pretty much the extent of my artistic scissor skills.  I think I have another year or so before my daughter outgrows both of those.  One night when we were working together on the valentines, my daughter started responding to questions with, "Yes, ma'am."  At first, I thought I heard her wrong.  It's now a regular part of her vocabulary.  I think it's cute, especially because she uses it to respond to her daddy also. 
February is my least favorite month of the year.  It's the shortest, but grayest, month in the mid-Atlantic region.  Though this year hasn't really been that cold, which has been nice.  I love snow, don't get me wrong...in fact, this time of year, I actually prefer snow to rain because at least snow is pretty.  It covers up all the gray and beige dead grass and mud. I am not missing that bone chilling wind that we usually have this time of year, that usually comes with the snow.  I'm thinking that we guaranteed it won't be super cold this winter by putting an insert woodstove into our fireplace.  I LOVE the woodstove.  I can't say it enough.  Warm and toasty, pretty, energy efficient.  All fabulous things.  The less oil we have to purchase, the happier I am.  A beautiful flickering fire is one way to fight the winter blahs.

Another way to fight the blahs is to go somewhere warm on vacation.  Generally, this is not something that we do because 1) it is expensive and 2) flying or spending a long period of time (more than 3 hours) in a car with a small child is not my idea of relaxation.  So we found somewhere close to home to get that warm weather illusion.  We spent a few days last week at Great Wolf Lodge out in the Poconos.  It only took about an hour and a half to get there, which is perfect.  Of course, no trip is without it's kinks, but we got those out of the way early this time...our toddler refused to take her nap in the car on the way, despite the fact that it was naptime and she was exhausted, and I realized when I went to check us in that I didn't have my wallet with me.  Both things worked themselves out.  Happily, my husband had his wallet with him and the lodge let us switch over to that without issue.  Our room was ready early, thank goodness, and so we went and napped before hitting the waterpark.  Yup, that's right, the appeal of this place is that it has a big indoor waterpark which is always 84 degrees.  It's also open until 9 pm, so we felt no pressure to gamble with skipping naptime or pushing back meals.  It was so relaxing.  I was a little worried that they wouldn't have much for a small 2 year old to do, but there was a ton of stuff.  She's a water bug.  She loved it there...she would live there if she could.

THE GOOD:
There were a couple things that were really great about this place.  The biggest advantage?  You don't have to leave the building.  You can walk around in flip flops and shorts for your entire stay.  This provides a nice illusion of summer.  The water park was really clean, and there were plenty of lifeguards who were clearly well trained.  I feel like I am qualified to make that statement, having been a lifeguard for a little over 10 years in the not so distant past.  There are slides for all ages...short slides, long slides, kids only slides, slides with tubes for one or two, slides you didn't need to drag a tube upstairs for, a four person tube slide...I think that's all of them, but I'm probably missing one or two.  There are many pools, a tree house, you name it, they have it in the waterpark.  We hit most of it.  There were a couple slides that were for two people over a certain height requirement, so we didn't get to those.  Maybe next time we'll join forces with another family, it would give us more options in terms of the adults getting to go on slides. 

My daughter's favorite was the wave pool.  She treated it just like the ocean - she walked right in and kept going, because she thinks that she can swim.  She can't.  She's too little to be able to keep her body afloat on her own still.  But she's on her way, and I think now we are going to join the YMCA and start going to the swimming class for her age group. 

We had pizza the first night that we were there.  They have two pizza places, one is their own, the other is a Pizza Hut Express.  We skipped the Pizza Hut, as the in-house pizza was really good.  It's a takeout place, so we ate in our room, which had a dining table.  I'm pretty sure that all of the rooms had a wet bar, which I thought was silly until we got there.  It's really just a counter with a sink, a microwave, and a nice size small refrigerator.  It came in super handy for rinsing and filling up both regular and sippy cups.  Next time we will definitely bring some food with us to cut down food costs/increase healthy eating. 

Something they had that I really liked because it was super convenient was that the room key was integrated into the waterpark wristband.  So easy, and always on your person.  No getting locked out of the room, which was a definite plus.  I liked that I didn't have to schlep anything to the waterpark.  Just us, in our bathing suits and cover ups.  They had towels there for us, still warm from the dryer. 

I also noticed some random things while we were there.  The staff were very helpful and friendly.  They were both well-trained and genuinely nice to us. One of my pet peeves is forced and insincere courtesy.  If these people hate their jobs and that they had to put up with me and my family, it didn't show.  It was a refreshing change to experience true customer service.  The other random observation was that they had recycling receptacles all over the site, including in the room.  I love that!  I hate having to put a plastic bottle or paper in the regular trash just because I am on vacation.  If anything, I consume more bottled beverages on vacation than at home, so it really bugs me.  I have had to consciously talk myself into throwing bottles into the trash at hotels or amusement parks because I hate doing it.  Recycling is like putting on my seatbelt when I get in the car - it is ingrained so deep that it is really hard for me to reverse it.  I am the same way about composting at home, but I am not to the point where I expect to see compost buckets in public places.  Yet.

THE BAD:
It can be expensive - we did really well booking an early bird special, and the prices clearly go up around holidays and spring break.  We went during the week and left on Friday, I can only imagine how crowded it must be on the weekends.  It was exponentially more crowded as we were leaving than it was during our stay. 

Something that we didn't have to deal with was the blatant marketing of 'extras' directly to kids.  There were stuffed animals, a story wand scavenger hunt type thing, a costume shop, a kids' spa, a bowling alley, an arcade, and a monstrous gift shop, all clearly designed to have children begging from the instant they step through the door.  If we go back when she's bigger, there will be clear expectations set ahead of time on what will be out of bounds. 


THE UGLY:
Yeah, I really don't have anything for this one except that the wolf/bear/moose southwestern deco themed wall paper, upholstery and carpets was pretty ugly.  In some parts of the lodge it was headache inducing.  So don't look to hard at the carpet or the walls. :)

THE JURY IS STILL OUT:
There are a few things I can't comment on because we didn't try them.  There is a spa, which looked very nice from the outside (I walked past it on the way to the waterpark), but I never actually set foot inside.  We also didn't go bowling, visit the kid spa or basically do anything else that cost extra.  We also didn't eat at the buffet for lunch or dinner.

All in all, it was a great little trip.  Only one tantrum, which may be a record, and she was over tired when it hit, so I kinda saw it coming.  She slept the whole way home.  I arrived home more relaxed than I usually do from vacation, and would love to go back.  I think I'm going to be keeping an eye out for Great Wolf special deals from now on...

Better Living Through...Running?

I can't believe I am about to say this, but...I love running.  This is a complete turnaround for me.  Running does not come naturally to me at all, despite what I am about to write.  My goal is to go to the gym to run on the treadmill twice a week, and I feel fantastic after I run.  I blogged about week one of the coolrunning.com Couch to 5k training plan a few weeks ago, so you may already know how well that went.  I decided to skip to week two after that workout, and that seemed too easy, so the next time I ran, I did week 3.  In the interest of full disclosure, I must share that I have started this plan about half a dozen times over the past two years, only to end up quitting.  I have never made it all the way through to week nine.

I only managed to run one time that week, which I find really frustrating.  At this stage of the plan, you are supposed to run each routine three times, then move on to the next one.  (I usually hit the wall at week one.)Week three didn't feel like enough of a challenge either, so I moved on to week 4 yesterday.  This workout has what I consider to be longer runs - three minutes and five minutes.

I know that these aren't really longer runs, but for me, they are.  I have been relatively sedentary for the last two years...well, other than carrying and chasing around a small whirling dervish.  I am astounded that after I finished, I felt fantastic.  I understand why running is addictive.  That feeling is amazing.  And instead of dragging myself home exhausted, I went home energized.  I got more chores done at home in one evening than I have in weeks!    

I am wondering why this time is so different.  I am attributing it to a number of factors.  I am healthier than I have been in a long time.  I have been on my new allergy treatments for over a year and recently started taking Singulair.  I also honestly believe that it took me a full two years to recover from being pregnant and giving birth.  That seems like a long time, but I stressed myself out when I returned to work full time.  I didn't think to ask for a part-time schedule so that I could ease back in  I was dealing with daycare for the first time and had a baby who would not take a bottle.  I was trying to do too much, and it took a physical toll.  I gave up and waited until I felt that drive to get myself moving.  Then about a month after that, I finally got myself moving. 

Now I feel like I have to be careful not to push myself too hard too soon.  I don't want to crash and burn, I want to build slowly.  And I will admit that I am afraid of the later workouts in Couch to 5k.  I peeked ahead yesterday, and saw that I am approaching longer and longer running intervals.  My mind is likely to hold me back more than my body would, but I am willing to acknowledge that I need to get both my mind and body in shape. 

A note on some new stuff I have road (okay, treadmill) tested since my last post about running:  I really liked the Moving Comfort Vixen C/D bra, though it was a little tough to pull it off over my head when I was all sweaty.  I was really surprised to find that I loved the Moving Comfort Grace C/D bra.  It zips in the front.  I highly recommend it, and also wish that I had owned this sports bra when I was nursing.  I also bought myself a pair of running capris from Athleta.  I love them!  They have breathable material on the backs of the knees that kept me so much cooler than I am used to.  They also come in petite sizes, which is what I wear.  I am always a little wary of trying new petites because I never know if they will fit me right or not.  These are perfect, they hit all the right spots.

All in all, I am really enjoying my runs.  I know they are having a beneficial effect on my home life, my body and my mind.  I just have to make sure I keep going.  I will hit a wall at some point, but I will have the mental strength to push through it and keep going.  I am determined. 

I love you, Mommy

I heard these magic words for the first time yesterday morning.  As I got ready to leave for work, I gave my two year old a hug and kiss and said good-bye.  She looked me in the eye and said, "Mommy go work.  Mommy coming back.  I love you, Mommy."  Then she smiled at me.  It's one of those sweet mommy moments that I will always treasure.  It came out of nowhere!  She usually refers to herself in the third person and is just starting to attempt to use pronouns.  She is also super independent and generally somewhat resistant to affection and good-byes unless she is the instigator.  I have been told to sneak out of the house so she wouldn't get upset when I leave, but I have always felt that it was important to say good-bye to her and teach her that even though I leave to go to work, I love her and I will come back and get her at the end of the day.  And to her daddy's delight, she went over to him right after, patted his face and said, "I love you, Daddy."  She was quite pleased with herself and with the responses that she got from us.  She's a rough and tumble girl, which somehow seems to make moments like these that much sweeter. 

I'm so thrilled! 

Running on, and on, and...

I have been remiss in my blogging in 2012 thus far.  I need to work on that.  There are plenty of excuses...work has been really busy, we've been traveling or out of the house more than usual, I've started spending more time searching for my next job opportunity, I started running again, I'm so tired at the end of the day that the last thing I want to do is look at the computer some more...or think!  But these are all excuses, and in reality all of these things provide me with more to write about, I just need to focus and get it done. So here goes. 

I did start running again.  I was nervous, because I haven't really run in over two years...before my daughter was born.  Which is not to say that I haven't been getting exercise, because picking her up, carrying her, putting her back down, making her "fly" - all of these things are strength training.  And I do them so many times a day that I sometimes go to bed with arms that feel like jello.  I remember reading a few years ago that chasing around a toddler is not really exercise.  I don't remember exactly where I saw it, but it was all over the media.  I could very easily get sidetracked here by why a study like this constitutes news, or why someone felt that this was worth the money to study when there are real issues in the world that need research, but I'm going to stay on track. 

I think this study is hogwash.  I will happily volunteer to be a study participant for someone who wants to take another look at this.  I will grant you that all children and parents are different, but I am 5'1", not in the best shape but never completely sedentary either, and my kid is REALLY active.  She exhausts me.  I'm not complaining.  I'm just saying that she is a workout all by her little self.  I ran this past my personal trainer, and she agrees that my little one is giving me a thorough strength training session. 

Alright, despite my best efforts, I always seem to get sidetracked.  This post is supposed to be about running.  Let's try this again.  I started running again, I've covered maybe five miles a week the past two weeks.  I'm always afraid I'm going to overdo it and end up quitting, and now if I overdo it I will pay the price whilst chasing my daughter around.  So I am taking it slow.  Possibly too slow.  I was very surprised by how good I felt that first day back.  I did week one of the coolrunning.com Couch to 5k plan, and didn't want to stop when I came to the end of it, so I did it again.  I wanted to do it a third time, but being cautious, didn't want to push my luck, since I was still feeling pretty good, though very sweaty.  I was very concerned that I would be in pain the next day, but I wasn't.  I still felt good!  That never happens to me!  Usually I am aching like crazy and wondering what possessed me to go to the gym.

I was hoping that feeling would continue for a while, but alas, on my third run several days later, I was dragging.  I skipped to week three of the plan, which was the right choice because weeks one and two weren't challenging me.  My knees were aching, so I finally went and bought new sneakers (love my Asics), which I had been meaning to do for ages because my old ones were over two years old and I have been wearing them all over creation.  I know, I know, I'm not supposed to do that! 

Since I've stuck with it for more than two weeks, I also rewarded myself with a new sports bra, which I am way too excited about.  I've been reading Run Like a Mother, which I highly recommend, and decided to splurge on a Moving Comfort bra.  Instead of guessing at my size (like I usually do), I found the directions online for measuring oneself for a sports bra and acquired a tape measure.  I plugged my measurements into a sports bra size calculator and almost fell off my chair.  34DD??? I also planned on having a woman at my local running store measure me and help me to find the right bra for me, but my luck isn't that good.  There were no women working the evening shift on Friday night, so I was on my own.  I took a bunch of them into the dressing room and tackled the task at hand.  Fortunately my daughter found it very entertaining to be in a tiny room with me while I jumped up and down and ran in place to test drive each bra.  I ended up discovering that the 34DD is not the right size, but surprisingly the 34D was.  Since sports bras are expensive, I had researched them ahead of time.  I didn't want to buy a dud at $30 a pop.  I'm glad I went and tried them on in person, because the one I was drawn to online, I hated in the dressing room.  The store I went to was having a sale on Moving Comfort, so happily it was like 20% off.  I chose the Vixen C/D and the Juno, but they only had the Juno in black in my size and I wanted it in white or a color.  So I hit my old stand-by, Amazon.com.  They have these bras!  And they are on sale there too.  I'm so happy.  So I found my Juno 34D in "surf" (blue), and it'll be here in two days! 

I'm going to put my new sneakers and bra to the test this afternoon in the gym at work.  I like to run outside, but this time of year it's a lot more practical for me to run inside on the treadmill while at work.  I'm not hardcore enough to run in the cold or in the rain, and because of my allergies, the cold air can be really painful for me.  Not an excuse, just an explanation.  My short term goal is to get myself going enough to run a 5k or 10k this spring.  Wish me luck!

New Year, New Me?

I've never been one for formal New Year's Resolutions. It has always seemed to me that putting that kind of pressure on myself just sets me up for failure.  Also, I'm not that original, so my resolutions would likely be the same every year.  It's like when I am asked what I want for Christmas or my birthday - any other time, I can reel off one or two things that I want, but when the time comes, I can never remember and almost always say, "I don't know."  I'm told this is not especially helpful.  When New Year's rolls around, I am the same way.  "Uhhh, I'd like to get in shape?"

I think it's unrealistic to expect to become a new person in the new year.  I like the person I am, and it took me a long damn time to get to this point, so why would I want to change drastically?  I prefer the idea of resolving to make small tweaks that will improve my quality of life.

I've decided that I'm more of a short term goal girl.  This has been enhanced by motherhood.  I have less time and more to get done, so I need those shorter term, more specific items that I can get done and cross off my list. I love crossing items off my list.  That said, my resolutions this year are longer term, but specific enough to be attainable.

I also never have my resolutions figured out by January 1.  They need to percolate in my head and occur organically.  

I've never been one to document my resolutions, so technically this post could be considered a resolution, that I am really committing to do the things I am writing down here. 

Beyond that, here are my resolutions for 2012 (listed in no particular order):

Start running

I used to hate running.  Growing up, I loved playing soccer and swimming, and detested the running portion of the training programs for my sports.  This is probably in part due to the fact that I have horrendous allergies, which include allergies to grass and trees.  These are generally things that are unavoidable when running outdoors, and the medications available at the time didn't control my reactions as well as what I take now.  A year or so before I became pregnant with my daughter, I decided to give running another shot.  I was about 15 pounds overweight, had borderline high blood pressure and I was terribly out of shape.  Running was cheap and didn't require a lot of time.  I signed myself up for a 5k and made it my goal to be able to complete it without walking.  I still didn't like running while I prepared for that run.  It was only after I completed that race and got my official time that I really started to feel the rush that I had heard about.  Much like when I competed as a distance swimmer growing up, I found myself in competition with myself.  I had to sign up for another race to see if I could beat my own time.  I lost 15 pounds, my blood pressure plummeted and I felt great.  I found running to be a great pressure release valve as well. 

Then I got pregnant.  I continued running until my third trimester, then slowed it down to a walk.  I've been meaning to start running again, but just haven't gotten around to it. 

Until yesterday.  I started out easy, running one minute intervals with 90 second recovery periods.  My initial goal was to do eight, but I felt great, so I did sixteen instead.  I was apprehensive about how I would feel today, but I feel great!  I can't wait for my next run.  I'm going to make the time.  I need it and I deserve it.  I'm also going to push myself gradually harder, and maybe start to train for a longer race - perhaps a half marathon.  But one step at a time.  First I have to re-establish the habit. 

Find a new job/better work life balance

I picked a crummy economy and job market for this one, but there it is.  I need to get it done in 2012.  I am ready for a change in my day job.  I love the company I work for, but I need a new challenge.  I need to come to terms with the fact that I may have to start looking outside for the right fit for me.  I may have to reduce my requirements for what I'm looking for in that next opportunity.  I would love to stay with my company, keep my daughter in the daycare here and stay at the same pay level, but I may not be able to make that happen.  I feel like I have let myself get too specialized in my job, as I am frequently hearing as feedback, "You have a nice background, but it's really not what the hiring manager is looking for."  This is bad when combined with the fact that job descriptions are more specific than ever.  I'm a non-practicing attorney with lots of contracting experience and document management experience.  There doesn't seem to be a large market for that right now.   I am open to new areas and ideas, and if anyone has any, please share them with me!  I believe that I will find the position/job that is meant for me when I am supposed to, and that I have to stay positive in the meantime.  The only thing I will not compromise is my need for work life balance - my family is the most important thing in my life and my daughter will not be young forever.

The right job for me is out there.  I will find it.

Read 75 books this year

I love Goodreads.com.  I have been on it for a few years and have played with the idea of participating in their annual challenge, and this is the year I'm giving it a shot.  I love to read.  Now that I have a Kindle and know how to borrow books for it from my local public library, and am exploring the Amazon Prime lending library, there is no time like the present.  I am also hooked on listening to audio books on my iPod thanks to  Audible, so that will help as well.  I count those as books I have read because honestly, it takes much longer to listen to a book than it does to read it myself.

I chose 75 books as my goal.  I didn't base it on anything in particular.  I tend to reread books that I love, but I suspect that I am only supposed to count new books.  Hmm.  It may be totally unrealistic, but I think I can hit it without neglecting my child or letting my house fall down around my ears.

Sell/otherwise dispose of unused stuff

My house has been something of a construction site for the last five years, and we have kept things that we shouldn't have.  This is partly from not knowing what would go where upon completion and partly due to only recently having come to the revelation that not every gift we are given needs to actually enter our home. We have family members who believe in quantity over quality when they give gifts, and it is taking a toll. You know who you are. These same folks feel that they have to buy my daughter's affection by giving her crap every. single. time. she sees them.  You don't.  Trust me.  Pay attention to her and spend time with her instead.  Please and thank you.

A big thank you to those who don't fall into this category and give us gifts that are meaningful and useful at the same time.  (Thanks Mom!)  I am grateful that you know that stuff does not equal love.

Another issue was the family members who downsized into a much smaller home and dumped a lot of furniture and assorted crap into our home.  There were a few pieces that we will keep because we loved and wanted them, but they also brought us many things we thought we had politely refused.  We want to be surrounded by things we choose and love, not furniture and decorations that have been dumped on us.  This detritus is now taking up space and is slowly destroying my love for my home.

It is time for it to go.  In 2012, I will get this stuff out of my home.  Some of it is worthy of sale on eBay or Craigslist, other items will go on freecycle.org.  What is clutter and dust collectors in my eyes should be owned by someone who will enjoy them.  I love freecycle, because we definitely have stuff that in good conscience, I can't throw away.  We can't use it, but I know there are people out there who could.  Still other things will be donated or thrown away.  No matter what, if we don't love it, it is not staying in our house.

That's it.  A few things I need to do for myself and my family in 2012.  Hopefully, I will look back at this post in a couple of months and be happy with how I am dealing with these things.  Some are far easier than others, hopefully I won't feel the need to chuck any of them because they turn out to be unrealistic.

Wish me luck!!