I'm definitely on the wrong end of this one this week. It's amazing how this seems to happen both at work and at home simultaneously, despite the fact that they are two very distinct worlds for me. About a year ago, I attended a panel discussion on work/life balance for women in my company. It was mostly women talking about how great our company is for this, how wonderful they have it, blah, blah, blah. Unfortunately, it all hinges on who your direct supervisor is and how willing they are to be flexible and allow work/life balance to happen. So while it was interesting, it was also very disheartening, because I am not permitted to use any of the great programs that these women love. One of the women who spoke presented a great visual that is still in my head, and I am actually visualizing it right now.
If I think about all the things I am responsible for, I can divide them up into balls. Keeping certain balls up in the air is more important than others, so I picture them as being made of different materials. For example, the only ball made of crystal is my family...it's the one that I view as most important to prevent from permanent damage and would be the hardest to repair. Therefore, it is the one that I absolutely cannot drop. Others are less important and so I imagine them as more resilient materials. If I screw them up somewhat, not the end of the world.
This week it is all I can do to keep that crystal ball up in the air.
The past few weeks, I have been feeling great: getting my house cleaner, getting a healthy, homemade dinner on the table at a reasonable time more often than not, having fun with my husband and daughter, running more, being more productive at work. This week I am just tired and I am NOT motivated. I had a conversation with my boss that made it clear that he does not see the value I am bringing, and I get so frustrated by that. I have had twelve bosses in four years, so basically by the time I get one on board and educated in what I do, they have moved on and I have to start all over again. Not ideal. My current boss is inflexible and has a tendency to micromanage. Also not ideal.
When I get home, I am tired. We have eaten pizza more times in the past week than I care to admit. Happily, most of my routines are keeping me afloat at home, so while I haven't progressed onto the clean outs that are long overdue, at least I haven't lost ground. I am still able to easily keep up with the laundry, and I am still making sure that the kitchen sink is empty before I go to bed.
Writing this out has actually helped me today...though I am still dragging, I am more optimistic than when I started this post. I haven't charged forward like I had hoped to, but that crystal ball is still steadily up in the air and the house hasn't backslid into utter chaos. I will just keep plugging along and I will get myself moving forward again.
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