Whew. I am exhausted. Christmas this year was a 3-4 day event, with our various family gatherings not spaced out at all. The exhaustion was absolutely worth it though, as our two year old had a wonderful time! Before I had a child, Christmas being on a weekend didn't make things any tougher, but now it is a hard deadline!
My little one loves Christmas lights, and so she was thrilled when we finally got our tree up...three days before Christmas. Oh well. That's okay. It'll likely stay up until Valentine's Day, so she will still have plenty of time to enjoy it!
Thursday we went to see Santa. We weren't planning to take her this year, figuring that she would be afraid of him still, but after a week of hearing, "A go see Santa?" over and over, we decided to head to the mall. I'm glad that we did, as she was all smiles as soon as she saw him and we got a really nice photo out of the deal.
Our holiday travel marathon began on Friday night, when we drove down to my parent's house. If there is absolutely no traffic and no stops along the way, the drive can be done in a little over 2 hours. Our drive was not quite so easy. Three hours, a dinner stop and three potty breaks later, we arrived. We spent Christmas Eve with my husband's family, having brunch, opening presents, eating cake and coffee, then dinner. It was like the day that wouldn't end, topped off with another three hour, three potty stop drive home. Upon arriving home, little one fortunately went right off to bed, which left me to wrap and play Santa in preparation for Christmas morning. I dropped into bed exhausted, but excited to see her face the next morning.
Christmas morning was just the three of us. I went downstairs a minute or two ahead and turned the tree lights on and got the video camera ready. I am really a bad videographer, but I wanted to see if I could capture the look on her face when she saw the tricycle under the tree. She saw the tree and the trike and her smile lit up her whole face! I was as excited as she was for her to climb aboard. She started pushing on the floor with her toes, and within about 5 minutes had put her feet up on the pedals and started pedaling. Craziness. I really didn't expect her to get the hang of pedaling so quickly! We had so much fun on Christmas morning, it's a memory I will treasure forever. Our little one didn't get a lot of presents from Santa, but what she got, she loved, so her mama is happy.
My parents came up for Christmas dinner and to exchange gifts, and we all had a lot of fun together. Then on Monday, my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, first cousins once removed, etc) all got together and enjoyed each other's company. Despite the two hour drive each way, we had a good time. I always think of my grandmother at this particular family gathering, and how happy she would be that we all still get together to celebrate the holiday. From the time I was young until her death in 2002, I gave her an angel for her Christmas tree. I still buy one in her memory every year and hang it on our tree. Merry Christmas, Mom-Mom!
I survived the Christmas marathon, but I need to re-think my strategy for next year. I should probably try to figure it out now, while the memory of this year is still fresh. I think Christmas is on a Tuesday next year...
Forget it. I'm too tired to even think about it!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My Mother-In-Law Joined Facebook
This is the kind of thing that could REALLY test my patience.
Let's just say that I don't have the best relationship with my husband's parents. This is an issue that spans many years and myriad circumstances, but they don't like me and I don't like them. Our reasons are different - they don't like that I didn't ditch my family and become the daughter they never had when I married their son. I don't like that they are manipulative, self-centered, intrusive people who treat my husband and his brother like they are still children rather than grown men with families of their own. Their parents do not recognize them as the intelligent, remarkable, independent adults that they are. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have different priorities than I do. My family and friends are at the top of my list. I love them and time spent with them is cherished. My in-laws prioritize money and what others think above genuine affection and time spent with loved ones. Any information, no matter how private, is broadcast immediately to their network of friends. This includes personal information relating to health issues. You get the idea. Many of their friends are people that neither I nor my husband have ever met, so most of the people getting this private info are not close family friends of forever and a day.
I know that you may be thinking...why not sit them down and have it out? I wish that this were an option, as open and honest communication is my preferred form of communication. (To a fault, I think there are times when I am upset and should really count to ten and think about whether certain things should actually come out of my mouth.) I am not a slow burn sulker.
Both of my husband's parents can hold a grudge like no two people I've ever seen! They are so averse to confrontation that they will not discuss any issues face to face. We call it the twilight zone. It's the perfect way to describe how it feels. The closest we've ever come to having it out was when they once ambushed me with a telephone call to detail all of the things that I do wrong as a daughter-in-law and bemoan what they've done to deserve the way I treated them. All attempts I made to contribute to that conversation were wasted breath, because they really didn't listen to a word I said.
They jumped my sister-in-law via email. It had a similar flavor and the same outcome. They don't like her any more than they like me. This has been a bonding experience for us. So thank you, in-laws, for giving me additional common ground with my sister-in-law. We have joined together to become our own support group and have become good friends in the process.
My goal here is not to catalog all of their faults, but rather to give you an idea of why I was horrified when I received the text from my sister-in-law telling me that she got a friend request from our MIL. Wise woman that my sis-in-law is, she promptly hit the ignore button. Interestingly, my brother-in-law (yep, her son) didn't get a friend request, but my husband got an invitation to join Facebook and be her friend. He was entertained but has no intention of joining. His parents are so technophobic that he joked that his mother's email must have been hacked. No way she could really be on Facebook. I tend to think that his parents are technophobic when it's convenient. They like to say to their sons, "Oh, we don't know how to do that. Can you do it for us?"
I haven't gotten a friend request yet, but it's only a matter of time. She has been eyeing this for a while as a way to cyber stalk us. I know this because she has been dropping hints for a month or so now. I must take the time that I have to think about whether I hit ignore or accept the friend request and then block her from seeing everything so that I can keep an eye on her.
Keeping my enemies closer, so to speak.
I'm not a very active Facebook user. I go on maybe twice a week, pretty much never post statuses and basically am on to keep in touch and share photos with friends who live in distant places.
I checked out MILs page. She has no security set on her page. Of course not. I'm happy with this at the moment, because it means I can keep an eye on her without having to be her FB friend. But we will have an issue the minute I see a photo of my child posted without my permission and with no security to limit who can view it. It may sound paranoid, but I don't trust my in-laws. Even if MIL sets security, I don't know her friends. I'm fine with her having photos, but I don't really want her posting photos of my daughter online.
Am I being nutty about this, or am I right to be concerned?
Maybe it's time to ditch my FB account and move over to Google+. Hmm. If only the solution to this dilemma were that simple.
What would you do?
Let's just say that I don't have the best relationship with my husband's parents. This is an issue that spans many years and myriad circumstances, but they don't like me and I don't like them. Our reasons are different - they don't like that I didn't ditch my family and become the daughter they never had when I married their son. I don't like that they are manipulative, self-centered, intrusive people who treat my husband and his brother like they are still children rather than grown men with families of their own. Their parents do not recognize them as the intelligent, remarkable, independent adults that they are. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have different priorities than I do. My family and friends are at the top of my list. I love them and time spent with them is cherished. My in-laws prioritize money and what others think above genuine affection and time spent with loved ones. Any information, no matter how private, is broadcast immediately to their network of friends. This includes personal information relating to health issues. You get the idea. Many of their friends are people that neither I nor my husband have ever met, so most of the people getting this private info are not close family friends of forever and a day.
I know that you may be thinking...why not sit them down and have it out? I wish that this were an option, as open and honest communication is my preferred form of communication. (To a fault, I think there are times when I am upset and should really count to ten and think about whether certain things should actually come out of my mouth.) I am not a slow burn sulker.
Both of my husband's parents can hold a grudge like no two people I've ever seen! They are so averse to confrontation that they will not discuss any issues face to face. We call it the twilight zone. It's the perfect way to describe how it feels. The closest we've ever come to having it out was when they once ambushed me with a telephone call to detail all of the things that I do wrong as a daughter-in-law and bemoan what they've done to deserve the way I treated them. All attempts I made to contribute to that conversation were wasted breath, because they really didn't listen to a word I said.
They jumped my sister-in-law via email. It had a similar flavor and the same outcome. They don't like her any more than they like me. This has been a bonding experience for us. So thank you, in-laws, for giving me additional common ground with my sister-in-law. We have joined together to become our own support group and have become good friends in the process.
My goal here is not to catalog all of their faults, but rather to give you an idea of why I was horrified when I received the text from my sister-in-law telling me that she got a friend request from our MIL. Wise woman that my sis-in-law is, she promptly hit the ignore button. Interestingly, my brother-in-law (yep, her son) didn't get a friend request, but my husband got an invitation to join Facebook and be her friend. He was entertained but has no intention of joining. His parents are so technophobic that he joked that his mother's email must have been hacked. No way she could really be on Facebook. I tend to think that his parents are technophobic when it's convenient. They like to say to their sons, "Oh, we don't know how to do that. Can you do it for us?"
I haven't gotten a friend request yet, but it's only a matter of time. She has been eyeing this for a while as a way to cyber stalk us. I know this because she has been dropping hints for a month or so now. I must take the time that I have to think about whether I hit ignore or accept the friend request and then block her from seeing everything so that I can keep an eye on her.
Keeping my enemies closer, so to speak.
I'm not a very active Facebook user. I go on maybe twice a week, pretty much never post statuses and basically am on to keep in touch and share photos with friends who live in distant places.
I checked out MILs page. She has no security set on her page. Of course not. I'm happy with this at the moment, because it means I can keep an eye on her without having to be her FB friend. But we will have an issue the minute I see a photo of my child posted without my permission and with no security to limit who can view it. It may sound paranoid, but I don't trust my in-laws. Even if MIL sets security, I don't know her friends. I'm fine with her having photos, but I don't really want her posting photos of my daughter online.
Am I being nutty about this, or am I right to be concerned?
Maybe it's time to ditch my FB account and move over to Google+. Hmm. If only the solution to this dilemma were that simple.
What would you do?
Friday, December 2, 2011
December Traditions
Now that December is here, I've realized that many of our traditions start around Thanksgiving and keep us busy through the New Year. Now that we have a child, we have added even more. It's hard not to add things, as she is in that toddler stage, so innocent and fascinated by everything. Working full time complicates this even further, because most of our activities end up squeezed into the weekends. Having hockey season tickets gives me even less free time, though I do love it. Thank goodness my team only has three home games this month!
I am starting to realize that all of these things are why our house gets decorated for Christmas around December 23rd each year.
Hmm.
But what do we cut out? It's hard to trim anything, since most of these are A) fun and B) time spent with family or close friends.
This Saturday we have two events planned. The first one is new, a holiday party for the kids in daycare at my company, complete with Santa. This should be a lot of fun, as my daughter's little friends will all be there and they all gaze in wonder at Christmas lights and Santa.
Then in the evening, we go to a Dickens festival in a town about an hour from home. One of my closest friends lives right on the main street and a group of three of us attend this quaint little street fair no matter the weather. We're like the postal service when it comes to this festival. And we have seen all kinds of weather at this one. We people watch, browse the booths, avoid the stilt-walkers and listen to carolers, and check out the live nativity scene while we wait for Santa to roll into town. We don't always make it that long, sometimes a hot dinner in a warm place is too appealing to hold out on. Then we adjourn to my friend's apartment to eat Harry and David Moose Munch and watch Harry Potter movies on ABC Family. The evening comes to an end when one of us succumbs to our allergy to the cat. One of the things I love about this outing is that my daughter fits into it seamlessly, and hopefully she will continue to love going to the festival with the girls as she gets older.
Sunday will be spent recovering from running all over the state on Saturday. Hopefully this will also be an opportunity to identify where the Christmas tree will go this year and get that spot cleared out. We always seem to have home improvement projects going on that impact exactly where we had planned to put the tree, requiring a last minute change of plans and hoping that the tree will fit somewhere else.
Upcoming events include: adopting a family for Christmas and shopping/wrapping, photo with Santa, a cookie swap with friends, children's Christmas party at the firehouse, adult Christmas party at the firehouse, our town's Christmas tree lighting, Santa ride on the firetruck to visit neighborhood children on Christmas Eve, and other things I am certainly forgetting.
These events are on top of: decorating our home; shopping for family, friends, co-workers, teachers; planning, potentially hosting and traveling to various family celebrations of the holiday (we have at least three each year, sometimes four); off-site meetings for work; my husband's crazy work schedule and recertification courses; completing my mandatory continuing education by December 31; and of course, continuing to feed my family a healthy dinner each night and make sure everyone has clean clothes each day.
I'm going to take things one day at a time and shoot for accomplishing one thing each day...or couple of days. On the upside, my daughter is still young enough that I can get away with being a little bit of a disorganized mess...she won't remember it. Yet. Now is the time to work out the kinks and get the hang of making Christmas events at home as much or more of a priority as the ones out.
I can do this.
I am starting to realize that all of these things are why our house gets decorated for Christmas around December 23rd each year.
Hmm.
But what do we cut out? It's hard to trim anything, since most of these are A) fun and B) time spent with family or close friends.
This Saturday we have two events planned. The first one is new, a holiday party for the kids in daycare at my company, complete with Santa. This should be a lot of fun, as my daughter's little friends will all be there and they all gaze in wonder at Christmas lights and Santa.
Then in the evening, we go to a Dickens festival in a town about an hour from home. One of my closest friends lives right on the main street and a group of three of us attend this quaint little street fair no matter the weather. We're like the postal service when it comes to this festival. And we have seen all kinds of weather at this one. We people watch, browse the booths, avoid the stilt-walkers and listen to carolers, and check out the live nativity scene while we wait for Santa to roll into town. We don't always make it that long, sometimes a hot dinner in a warm place is too appealing to hold out on. Then we adjourn to my friend's apartment to eat Harry and David Moose Munch and watch Harry Potter movies on ABC Family. The evening comes to an end when one of us succumbs to our allergy to the cat. One of the things I love about this outing is that my daughter fits into it seamlessly, and hopefully she will continue to love going to the festival with the girls as she gets older.
Sunday will be spent recovering from running all over the state on Saturday. Hopefully this will also be an opportunity to identify where the Christmas tree will go this year and get that spot cleared out. We always seem to have home improvement projects going on that impact exactly where we had planned to put the tree, requiring a last minute change of plans and hoping that the tree will fit somewhere else.
Upcoming events include: adopting a family for Christmas and shopping/wrapping, photo with Santa, a cookie swap with friends, children's Christmas party at the firehouse, adult Christmas party at the firehouse, our town's Christmas tree lighting, Santa ride on the firetruck to visit neighborhood children on Christmas Eve, and other things I am certainly forgetting.
These events are on top of: decorating our home; shopping for family, friends, co-workers, teachers; planning, potentially hosting and traveling to various family celebrations of the holiday (we have at least three each year, sometimes four); off-site meetings for work; my husband's crazy work schedule and recertification courses; completing my mandatory continuing education by December 31; and of course, continuing to feed my family a healthy dinner each night and make sure everyone has clean clothes each day.
I'm going to take things one day at a time and shoot for accomplishing one thing each day...or couple of days. On the upside, my daughter is still young enough that I can get away with being a little bit of a disorganized mess...she won't remember it. Yet. Now is the time to work out the kinks and get the hang of making Christmas events at home as much or more of a priority as the ones out.
I can do this.
Monday, November 28, 2011
My Crazy Thanksgiving Weekend!
Hope that you all had a Happy Thanksgiving! I have a great deal to be thankful for, and gave that quite a bit of thought over the long holiday weekend. And I do mean long.
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays, and I look forward to it every year. We alternate spending Thanksgiving with my family and my husband's family. My brother-in-law and his wife host DH's extended family every other year (they have the same rotation that we do), and my sister-in-law is super organized and a great cook. Everyone brings something - most are assigned a dessert, or appetizer, or beverages. Our assignment? We bring the turkey. I thought this would be really tough the first year we did it, but we've got it down now, and it gets rave reviews every time. Never did I dream I would cook a bird that I then had to transport 45 minutes, keeping him hot along the way. But I digress. This year it was my family's turn, so no turkey transport this year.
My DH works seven on, seven off nights, which means that he is off every other week. There are no holidays off due to the nature of his work. This year, unfortunately, he was on for Thanksgiving, which meant that he wasn't able to join us to celebrate Thanksgiving at my aunt's house, an hour and a half from our home. Usually Thanksgiving weekend is a simple thing. We go to the home of the family member hosting, hang out, each too much, watch football or maybe It's a Wonderful Life and drive home and spend the rest of the weekend recovering and getting stuff done around our house and yard. This year was much more involved than that.
DD turned two last week, and my in-laws insisted on coming up for her birthday, despite the fact that we didn't want to have a party this year because of crazy schedules and the holiday. Not one to give them their way without being a little bit of a brat, I declared that fair is fair and invited my parents up as well. My BIL and niece joined us as well. My mom made a cake (thank you! It was a big help, and very tasty!), and she also made my kitchen smell delicious by baking pies for the next day while I cleaned up my house before the rest of our visitors arrived. We are not capable of having only one thing go on at a time, so of course we were also awaiting the delivery of a new freezer for the garage. Which arrived damaged. Which reminds me that I need to make sure we follow up with the place we bought it from. (Adding to my to-do list. Okay, done.) Visitors arrived, freezer arrived, we went out to dinner, I didn't kill anyone, it was a successful visit. We all went to bed tired.
Thursday, I had our two year old solo for the trip to my aunt's house, which is usually no big deal. This year, however, as soon as we got there, she looked at me and said, "Tummy huwts" and tossed her cookies. Poor baby. She then proceeded to get sick a couple more times and was just generally under the weather. Fortunately, we had extra clothes because we were spending the night at my parents house. My overpacking tendency definitely came in handy. DD perked up after almost everyone had left and started eating almost everything she could get her hands on.
We were able to sleep in on Friday (thank goodness!) and then we headed to the city for the nhl game that we had tickets for. After the game we got dinner at the diner and then headed home tocollapse relax. Then Sunday it was back down for my niece's christening. It was a very nice day, though very long.
I thought I was in the clear, but Sunday night I was stricken with the bug that hit DD on Thanksgiving day. I haven't been that sick in a very long time. I would have had this post up earlier, but I slept through Monday and couldn't look at the computer on Tuesday. Much better today.
Even with the marathon that was this holiday weekend, Thanksgiving is still one of my favorite holidays. It isn't like it used to be, when I was younger and didn't have a kid. I don't always get to talk to everyone that I want to, but they understand. I know that.
I am thankful that I have my family. I'm thankful that we are, for the most part, healthy. I'm thankful that I get to see my family on holidays. While it's no fun when my husband has to work on holidays, I'm thankful that he has a job. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I have a lot to be thankful for. I hope that you do too, and that you had a Happy Thanksgiving spent with those near and dear to you.
Now the holiday season has begun, it doesn't slow down until after the new year. Let the craziness begin!
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays, and I look forward to it every year. We alternate spending Thanksgiving with my family and my husband's family. My brother-in-law and his wife host DH's extended family every other year (they have the same rotation that we do), and my sister-in-law is super organized and a great cook. Everyone brings something - most are assigned a dessert, or appetizer, or beverages. Our assignment? We bring the turkey. I thought this would be really tough the first year we did it, but we've got it down now, and it gets rave reviews every time. Never did I dream I would cook a bird that I then had to transport 45 minutes, keeping him hot along the way. But I digress. This year it was my family's turn, so no turkey transport this year.
My DH works seven on, seven off nights, which means that he is off every other week. There are no holidays off due to the nature of his work. This year, unfortunately, he was on for Thanksgiving, which meant that he wasn't able to join us to celebrate Thanksgiving at my aunt's house, an hour and a half from our home. Usually Thanksgiving weekend is a simple thing. We go to the home of the family member hosting, hang out, each too much, watch football or maybe It's a Wonderful Life and drive home and spend the rest of the weekend recovering and getting stuff done around our house and yard. This year was much more involved than that.
DD turned two last week, and my in-laws insisted on coming up for her birthday, despite the fact that we didn't want to have a party this year because of crazy schedules and the holiday. Not one to give them their way without being a little bit of a brat, I declared that fair is fair and invited my parents up as well. My BIL and niece joined us as well. My mom made a cake (thank you! It was a big help, and very tasty!), and she also made my kitchen smell delicious by baking pies for the next day while I cleaned up my house before the rest of our visitors arrived. We are not capable of having only one thing go on at a time, so of course we were also awaiting the delivery of a new freezer for the garage. Which arrived damaged. Which reminds me that I need to make sure we follow up with the place we bought it from. (Adding to my to-do list. Okay, done.) Visitors arrived, freezer arrived, we went out to dinner, I didn't kill anyone, it was a successful visit. We all went to bed tired.
Thursday, I had our two year old solo for the trip to my aunt's house, which is usually no big deal. This year, however, as soon as we got there, she looked at me and said, "Tummy huwts" and tossed her cookies. Poor baby. She then proceeded to get sick a couple more times and was just generally under the weather. Fortunately, we had extra clothes because we were spending the night at my parents house. My overpacking tendency definitely came in handy. DD perked up after almost everyone had left and started eating almost everything she could get her hands on.
We were able to sleep in on Friday (thank goodness!) and then we headed to the city for the nhl game that we had tickets for. After the game we got dinner at the diner and then headed home to
I thought I was in the clear, but Sunday night I was stricken with the bug that hit DD on Thanksgiving day. I haven't been that sick in a very long time. I would have had this post up earlier, but I slept through Monday and couldn't look at the computer on Tuesday. Much better today.
Even with the marathon that was this holiday weekend, Thanksgiving is still one of my favorite holidays. It isn't like it used to be, when I was younger and didn't have a kid. I don't always get to talk to everyone that I want to, but they understand. I know that.
I am thankful that I have my family. I'm thankful that we are, for the most part, healthy. I'm thankful that I get to see my family on holidays. While it's no fun when my husband has to work on holidays, I'm thankful that he has a job. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I have a lot to be thankful for. I hope that you do too, and that you had a Happy Thanksgiving spent with those near and dear to you.
Now the holiday season has begun, it doesn't slow down until after the new year. Let the craziness begin!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Risk Versus Reward: Is It Worth It To Change Jobs Now?
I am definitely a creature of habit.
At the same time, I like a good challenge.
It's a quandary, for sure. I have been in my current job for four years and in this department for seven years. In many ways, I am ready for a change. But there are thoughts that are holding me back from opening the door to a new job, a new challenge.
I want to stay with the company that I currently work for. Which should be possible, as it is a huge company with a variety of different operations within a reasonable commute from my home. I need to keep my benefits, especially health benefits. I would be able to keep DD in her daycare, with her friends. This is good for both of us, she gets to stay with her friends, I get peace of mind. At a premium price. But that's a topic for another time.
There are surprisingly few job opportunities at my level for a licensed attorney outside of the formal legal department. And the reason I'm not looking for a job in the legal department because they won't hire me. Despite all the internal experience I have, I don't have five to ten years of experience in a big law firm, so they won't consider me for an attorney position. I'm okay with this. I've never had an interest in working eighty-hour-or-longer weeks. If I were, I would have that big firm experience they want. Work life balance was important to me even before DD was born.
I also find it frustrating that I can't get hired in an area that I technically don't have experience in, but I do have the skills to learn the job and excel at it. I know the company, and I know the business.
How am I supposed to gain experience in an area if no one will give me a chance to prove that I can do it? Conversely, how do I convince someone to hire me if I don't have the exact, minute experience that they are requiring?
Let's put those questions aside for a moment. I'm also going to put aside the fact that in this economy, there is more competition for fewer jobs, with more qualified applicants than ever before. Let's focus on why I am ambivalent about that next opportunity. Every now and then, an opportunity that I would have jumped at in the past comes across my desk. I should jump at it now, right? I hesitate every time. I'm psyching myself right out of the job market. Questions immediately start running through my head. I'm going to tackle these one at a time in hopes of putting them to rest forever. If I can't, maybe someone can comment and tell me how I can look at it differently.
What if I don't like the boss/the management style?
There are variations on this one, but they all really boil down to this. It's not like I haven't dealt with change in this area before. In a two year stretch, I had eight different bosses. Yes, eight. In. Two. Years. And believe it or not, it's actually gotten worse since then. I lost count at some point, partially because of my maternity leave. So it's in the range of twelve in three or four years. I haven't reported into the same boss for more than five months at a time due to reorganizations and bosses moving to new positions. There have been many different management styles in that time. I should be used to change. Heck, I might even gain more stability. Not sure why this is such an issue for me.
What if there is no flexibility/less flexibility than my current job?
My company offers a great many flexibility options. However, it is the discretion of each individual manager as to whether one can take advantage of them. In the past I have requested job sharing, reducing my hours to part-time or working from home a set day or two per week. All of these requests for formal flexibility have been denied. There is informal flexibility that I can take advantage of on a less regular basis. Things like working from home on occasion, coming in later and leaving later as opposed to a strict 9-5, or going to doctor's appointments during the day. I need to turn around my thinking on this one - my question should be: what if there is a lot more flexibility and I am missing out on a great opportunity for a job I would love that would fit well with my life outside of work?
What if I don't like the work?
I don't really have an answer for this one. I like what I do now, and I am an expert in the subject matter, but it's not an area I can come back to if I move on. The only answer I can come up with is that if I don't like it, I can always look for another opportunity after the commitment time has expired. Wouldn't it be great if you could test drive a job?
What if I don't mesh with the other people on the team?
I've got nothing on this one.
Do I really want to be a people manager again?
Don't get me wrong, I loved the people on my team, and I really enjoyed helping them to grow. The issue is really more with workload. Being a people manager is like having a job and a half for the same pay as someone at the same level who doesn't manage people. And there is a lot of paperwork involved, to the extent that it is overwhelming. If I had an administrative assistant to help with this, different story. But that's not part of the deal.
People management also potentially means additional folks keeping tabs on comings and goings. I work out my schedule with my manager. I am flexible with those who work for me and my philosophy is, worry about yourself, not about your neighbor (or your manager). If someone isn't pulling their weight, there will be consequences. Not everyone shares this same philosophy and some are just tattle tales. Not sure I am ready to deal with this again. It's a question of whether the positives outweigh the negatives, and I just don't know if they do.
What if the commute turns out to be horrible?
I am so spoiled when it comes to commuting. I live five miles from my office. I believe there are three traffic lights. This is not to say that I haven't paid my dues. I spent several years with a commute that took an hour or more to go the ten miles to the office. The same drive takes fifteen minutes when it isn't rush hour. I hate that. The problem is that some of the other offices my company has would involve that exact same commute. I just don't think I can deal with it.
Why can't I find a job share or a part time job at my current level?
This is my own personal holy grail. I hear that it exists, even within my company. I wonder why these arrangements aren't more common, especially the job share. Is it just me, or doesn't it seem like a win-win situation? It would cost the company less financially and give them two employees who are more motivated, more engaged and more productive? Isn't this the definition of "do more with less"?
When it comes down to it, I need to push myself to change. So I am going to just grit my teeth, close my eyes, hit submit, and say a little prayer that I find the right job for me. Wish me luck!!
At the same time, I like a good challenge.
It's a quandary, for sure. I have been in my current job for four years and in this department for seven years. In many ways, I am ready for a change. But there are thoughts that are holding me back from opening the door to a new job, a new challenge.
I want to stay with the company that I currently work for. Which should be possible, as it is a huge company with a variety of different operations within a reasonable commute from my home. I need to keep my benefits, especially health benefits. I would be able to keep DD in her daycare, with her friends. This is good for both of us, she gets to stay with her friends, I get peace of mind. At a premium price. But that's a topic for another time.
There are surprisingly few job opportunities at my level for a licensed attorney outside of the formal legal department. And the reason I'm not looking for a job in the legal department because they won't hire me. Despite all the internal experience I have, I don't have five to ten years of experience in a big law firm, so they won't consider me for an attorney position. I'm okay with this. I've never had an interest in working eighty-hour-or-longer weeks. If I were, I would have that big firm experience they want. Work life balance was important to me even before DD was born.
I also find it frustrating that I can't get hired in an area that I technically don't have experience in, but I do have the skills to learn the job and excel at it. I know the company, and I know the business.
How am I supposed to gain experience in an area if no one will give me a chance to prove that I can do it? Conversely, how do I convince someone to hire me if I don't have the exact, minute experience that they are requiring?
Let's put those questions aside for a moment. I'm also going to put aside the fact that in this economy, there is more competition for fewer jobs, with more qualified applicants than ever before. Let's focus on why I am ambivalent about that next opportunity. Every now and then, an opportunity that I would have jumped at in the past comes across my desk. I should jump at it now, right? I hesitate every time. I'm psyching myself right out of the job market. Questions immediately start running through my head. I'm going to tackle these one at a time in hopes of putting them to rest forever. If I can't, maybe someone can comment and tell me how I can look at it differently.
What if I don't like the boss/the management style?
There are variations on this one, but they all really boil down to this. It's not like I haven't dealt with change in this area before. In a two year stretch, I had eight different bosses. Yes, eight. In. Two. Years. And believe it or not, it's actually gotten worse since then. I lost count at some point, partially because of my maternity leave. So it's in the range of twelve in three or four years. I haven't reported into the same boss for more than five months at a time due to reorganizations and bosses moving to new positions. There have been many different management styles in that time. I should be used to change. Heck, I might even gain more stability. Not sure why this is such an issue for me.
What if there is no flexibility/less flexibility than my current job?
My company offers a great many flexibility options. However, it is the discretion of each individual manager as to whether one can take advantage of them. In the past I have requested job sharing, reducing my hours to part-time or working from home a set day or two per week. All of these requests for formal flexibility have been denied. There is informal flexibility that I can take advantage of on a less regular basis. Things like working from home on occasion, coming in later and leaving later as opposed to a strict 9-5, or going to doctor's appointments during the day. I need to turn around my thinking on this one - my question should be: what if there is a lot more flexibility and I am missing out on a great opportunity for a job I would love that would fit well with my life outside of work?
What if I don't like the work?
I don't really have an answer for this one. I like what I do now, and I am an expert in the subject matter, but it's not an area I can come back to if I move on. The only answer I can come up with is that if I don't like it, I can always look for another opportunity after the commitment time has expired. Wouldn't it be great if you could test drive a job?
What if I don't mesh with the other people on the team?
I've got nothing on this one.
Do I really want to be a people manager again?
Don't get me wrong, I loved the people on my team, and I really enjoyed helping them to grow. The issue is really more with workload. Being a people manager is like having a job and a half for the same pay as someone at the same level who doesn't manage people. And there is a lot of paperwork involved, to the extent that it is overwhelming. If I had an administrative assistant to help with this, different story. But that's not part of the deal.
People management also potentially means additional folks keeping tabs on comings and goings. I work out my schedule with my manager. I am flexible with those who work for me and my philosophy is, worry about yourself, not about your neighbor (or your manager). If someone isn't pulling their weight, there will be consequences. Not everyone shares this same philosophy and some are just tattle tales. Not sure I am ready to deal with this again. It's a question of whether the positives outweigh the negatives, and I just don't know if they do.
What if the commute turns out to be horrible?
I am so spoiled when it comes to commuting. I live five miles from my office. I believe there are three traffic lights. This is not to say that I haven't paid my dues. I spent several years with a commute that took an hour or more to go the ten miles to the office. The same drive takes fifteen minutes when it isn't rush hour. I hate that. The problem is that some of the other offices my company has would involve that exact same commute. I just don't think I can deal with it.
Why can't I find a job share or a part time job at my current level?
This is my own personal holy grail. I hear that it exists, even within my company. I wonder why these arrangements aren't more common, especially the job share. Is it just me, or doesn't it seem like a win-win situation? It would cost the company less financially and give them two employees who are more motivated, more engaged and more productive? Isn't this the definition of "do more with less"?
When it comes down to it, I need to push myself to change. So I am going to just grit my teeth, close my eyes, hit submit, and say a little prayer that I find the right job for me. Wish me luck!!
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