Feeling Like I've Found My Calling...Again

I am a licensed, non-practicing attorney working in a corporate setting.  I knew that I wanted to go to law school from the time I was 14 years old.  That was when I discovered my high school Mock Trial team.  I was hooked.  I started out as a spectator and very quickly got more involved.  I found I had a knack for picking out important details when reading a case.  I also had a talent for thinking on my feet and tweaking my case based on what happened in the courtroom.  I didn't know how realistic this forum was, but one of the advisors was a judge and I found myself with a mentor.  Walking into a courtroom after law school, I knew I had found where I was supposed to be.  I'm not big on public speaking in general, but it came naturally in the courtroom. 

Sadly, it appears a litigation career was not in the cards for me.  My dream was to be a county Assistant Prosecutor(AP) (despite the low pay), I never wanted to be on the other side.  I also didn't really want to be in private practice doing civil litigation either.  I worked in enough law offices that did that to know it wasn't my passion.  When I went through law school, no one seemed to have any inkling that the legal job market was about to tank.  Big time.  Where I live, most people take AP jobs to get litigation experience quickly and then move on the the much better pay available in private practice.  The legal job market tanked right when I was hoping to take advantage of that turnover.  The folks who had those low paying government jobs decided they liked having secure jobs and the turnover stopped. 

This left me in a pickle.  Do I try to find another job in private practice somewhere and hope I find my spark again?  Or do I try something totally different?  I went on about 75 interviews in a year and a half and didn't find it.  I did work during that time, but it was on a contract basis.  I found a number of things I couldn't see doing for any length of time...my brain became numb. 

I fell into my corporate job sideways.  I was signed up with a legal temp agency and an unusual opportunity came my way.  It was great, I got to use my law degree every day and my analytical thinking got a workout as well.  I ended up being hired from temp to permanent and loved coming to work everyday.

Fast forward 7 years.  My job has evolved to the point where I no longer do most of the things I loved about my job when I started it.  I've found myself adrift, again trying to find my spark.  My responsibilities are fairly niche, made up of things that are important but the value tends to be missed until something goes wrong.  This also puts me at risk every time there is a reorganization in my company, which, in this economy, is pretty much annually.

This year I decided to put myself out there.  I've been shuffled around many times and felt that I had nothing to lose, so I took an idea that had been percolating for a while and threw it out on the table.  I don't have it all together when it comes to work and family life, but I have found some coping mechanisms the hard way.  I put together a program to make it easier for the moms that come after me, and my company has received it really well!  The program has taken on a life of its own and I have tons of ideas for what comes next for it. It's got the potential to grow like crazy and be a real asset for a family friendly company.  I really wish this were my full time job!  I love my company, I've found my spark, and it is helping my colleagues to help each other - we really are each others best resources. 

It's so exhilirating and kind of depressing at the same time.  Putting myself and my personal experiences out there to facilitate conversations with my colleagues has been surprisingly rewarding.  And once I get them talking, they are full of better ideas than I could ever come up with.  Everyone seems to be energized and motivated when they leave, better able to cope with whatever their situation is.  I've gotten great feedback from many participants in my sessions.  I love feeling that I was a part of that, and that I can continue to be of service to them by having more sessions and more topics...

And then I come back to my real job, so empty by comparison.  I'm not an HR professional and if there were such a job at my company, odds are that I would not even get an interview for it because I would be considered massively underqualified. 

Thanks for reading.  I feel better just having gotten this out.  I'm going to continue to develop the program, as it feeds my spark and makes my day when I can get a group together and make a difference for them. And if it doesn't help my performance rating, then so be it.  I can live with that. 

So I feel like I've found my next calling, but this time I have to figure out how to grow it and make it part of the everyday in my career!

I Got the Mail, Daddy!

Gotta love those little ones and their developing motor skills!  On Sunday, I watched my daughter spend several minutes trying to open our front door.  It's not a light door, and the doorknob is a little slippery for small hands.  On Sunday, she was completely unsuccessful.  By Tuesday, however, she got the hang of it.  Yeesh.  She was home with my husband, who found her in the living room holding a sheaf of paper.  "I got the mail, Daddy!"  Daddy assumes she went shopping in the paper recycling (as she does on a regular basis) and is pretending that those papers are the mail.  Nope.  "No, Daddy, the mail was between the doors."  Since there was a box in our mail that day, the mailman put the remaining mail between the screen and inside door.  Little one opened the door and retrieved the mail!

Now, to be clear, she never left the house and the screen door was locked, so she wasn't getting out.  She can't reach or turn the lock on the screen door, which will now be activated at all times!  It never fails to amaze me when she masters a new motor skill all of a sudden.  She definitely gave her Daddy a heart attack at the thought that she can open the big front door and that constant vigilance will now be required!

Transitioning to Pre-school

I can't believe I am writing these words, but my little one has completed the transition from Toddlers to Pre-school!  This is her first full week of pre-school, and while she is struggling a little with the transition, it is already clear that she is learning lots of new things.  Already! 

Yesterday she used scissors for the first time.  I never would have thought to introduce scissors to a child a few months shy of three years old.  Kind of like I would never have had her finger painting at 5 months old (which she did in daycare, and loved it!).  At the same time, I like to think that I am not a helicopter mom and I do generally let her try things out earlier than other first time moms might. 

As she was eating dinner last night, she very casually looked up at me and said, "Do you have baby scissors?"  When I told her we didn't have scissors for her at home, she very seriously asked me to please go buy some.  So we will, at some point in the near future. 

She also has started to learn what quantity is associated with each number from 1-5.  Obviously not completely, but the jump in knowledge in this and other areas is very noticeable, especially since it has only been a few days.  I wasn't expecting that!

On the down side, she was really attached to her caregiver in Toddlers and we really miss her.  Drop offs this week have been a little shaky.  Our girl is NOT a morning person, so there is a certain amount of grumpy orneriness in the morning.  Dropping her off in toddlers was a breeze, though, because she would see "Miss Sashi" and go right to her for hugs or dive right into whatever activity the group was doing.  There have been actual tears and clinginess this week.  I'm hoping this is very temporary!

Olympic Withdrawal

I miss the Olympics.  I really enjoy them while they are on, even more now that I have a DVR and so could record events that overlapped on the tv schedule.  I also enjoyed fast forwarding through the commercials and fluff pieces that NBC insisted on inserting into their coverage.  And how many times did I need to see bios of the same five female gymnasts?  Um, once was enough for me, thanks.

Issues with NBC's coverage aside, I'm going through withdrawal a little bit this week.  To be honest, neither I nor my DVR can keep up with that many hours of tv per week, so it's probably better that it is over.  I always really enjoy the swimming and am thrilled that it is getting so much exposure these days.  I swam competitively back in the day and really loved it, so it's fun to watch.  I always like to watch Michael Phelps swim, he makes it look so easy.  I could have done with a little less Ryan Lochte, the more I saw of him, the less I liked him.  He's a little too much ego and not quite enough sportsmanship and love of the sport for my taste.  I am now a big fan of Missy Franklin - I love that she gets so much joy from swimming and that she didn't bend to pressure to move to an Olympic training center because she wanted to stay close to her family and friends and continue to have fun.  She's a great role model - at 17 no less!!  I can't wait to follow her career and watch her in Rio hopefully!

My daughter caught the Olympic bug too, and each night this week asked to watch the Olympics.  She also made requests to fast forward to her two favorite sports - swimming or beach volleyball. 

She specifically asks each night if we can watch "Misty Franklins" (Missy Franklin) swim in the Olympics.  She is a water bug herself, at two and a half she is fearless.  She jumps right into the pool and heads straight into the ocean without blinking, regardless of temperature.  She's going to give her mama a heart attack though, since she thinks she can swim already!

She also loved the beach volleyball.  Her daycare provider let me know that one day this week she was on a deck on the playground, bouncing a ball and running around.  When asked what she was doing, she replied, "I'm playing beach volleyball."  If that interest continues, hopefully she'll end up taller than her mommy! 

Job Interview Frustration

I'm ready to be on vacation again.  Seriously.  I enjoy working, but there are so many things I would be able to keep on top of at home if I could find the right part time position...or if I won the lottery...of course, to win, one must play.

I'm feeling very frustrated.  I had an interview for a full time position within my current company today.  It falls within my area of expertise.  Unfortunately, there is also a candidate who is already working within the department, and she is a strong candidate for the job.  I wish there were some way that they could indicate when there is already a front runner for the job, so I could save myself the trouble.  Don't get me wrong, the interviewer was very nice...but I view it as a bad sign when she repeatedly says, "What about a job in _____?  That seems like it would be a great fit for your skill set."

I recently received an email link to a job posting that is perfect for me...three states away.  This is turning out to be the story of my career lately.  I know it is partially because my standards are high in some areas.  I am not willing to relocate.  I would really like to stay with my company.  It has to pay at least a certain amount and be within a reasonable commute from my home.  But these have always been my standards, and somehow I have always had the right opportunity come up eventually.  And some of them have come up in horrible economic times, so I am unwilling to accept that as a justification.  I have been looking for a LONG time now, and nothing is working out.  I'm out of ideas.  Help!

Thanks for letting me vent.  I'm seriously considering buying a few lottery tickets on my way home tonight.