Feeling Like I've Found My Calling...Again

I am a licensed, non-practicing attorney working in a corporate setting.  I knew that I wanted to go to law school from the time I was 14 years old.  That was when I discovered my high school Mock Trial team.  I was hooked.  I started out as a spectator and very quickly got more involved.  I found I had a knack for picking out important details when reading a case.  I also had a talent for thinking on my feet and tweaking my case based on what happened in the courtroom.  I didn't know how realistic this forum was, but one of the advisors was a judge and I found myself with a mentor.  Walking into a courtroom after law school, I knew I had found where I was supposed to be.  I'm not big on public speaking in general, but it came naturally in the courtroom. 

Sadly, it appears a litigation career was not in the cards for me.  My dream was to be a county Assistant Prosecutor(AP) (despite the low pay), I never wanted to be on the other side.  I also didn't really want to be in private practice doing civil litigation either.  I worked in enough law offices that did that to know it wasn't my passion.  When I went through law school, no one seemed to have any inkling that the legal job market was about to tank.  Big time.  Where I live, most people take AP jobs to get litigation experience quickly and then move on the the much better pay available in private practice.  The legal job market tanked right when I was hoping to take advantage of that turnover.  The folks who had those low paying government jobs decided they liked having secure jobs and the turnover stopped. 

This left me in a pickle.  Do I try to find another job in private practice somewhere and hope I find my spark again?  Or do I try something totally different?  I went on about 75 interviews in a year and a half and didn't find it.  I did work during that time, but it was on a contract basis.  I found a number of things I couldn't see doing for any length of time...my brain became numb. 

I fell into my corporate job sideways.  I was signed up with a legal temp agency and an unusual opportunity came my way.  It was great, I got to use my law degree every day and my analytical thinking got a workout as well.  I ended up being hired from temp to permanent and loved coming to work everyday.

Fast forward 7 years.  My job has evolved to the point where I no longer do most of the things I loved about my job when I started it.  I've found myself adrift, again trying to find my spark.  My responsibilities are fairly niche, made up of things that are important but the value tends to be missed until something goes wrong.  This also puts me at risk every time there is a reorganization in my company, which, in this economy, is pretty much annually.

This year I decided to put myself out there.  I've been shuffled around many times and felt that I had nothing to lose, so I took an idea that had been percolating for a while and threw it out on the table.  I don't have it all together when it comes to work and family life, but I have found some coping mechanisms the hard way.  I put together a program to make it easier for the moms that come after me, and my company has received it really well!  The program has taken on a life of its own and I have tons of ideas for what comes next for it. It's got the potential to grow like crazy and be a real asset for a family friendly company.  I really wish this were my full time job!  I love my company, I've found my spark, and it is helping my colleagues to help each other - we really are each others best resources. 

It's so exhilirating and kind of depressing at the same time.  Putting myself and my personal experiences out there to facilitate conversations with my colleagues has been surprisingly rewarding.  And once I get them talking, they are full of better ideas than I could ever come up with.  Everyone seems to be energized and motivated when they leave, better able to cope with whatever their situation is.  I've gotten great feedback from many participants in my sessions.  I love feeling that I was a part of that, and that I can continue to be of service to them by having more sessions and more topics...

And then I come back to my real job, so empty by comparison.  I'm not an HR professional and if there were such a job at my company, odds are that I would not even get an interview for it because I would be considered massively underqualified. 

Thanks for reading.  I feel better just having gotten this out.  I'm going to continue to develop the program, as it feeds my spark and makes my day when I can get a group together and make a difference for them. And if it doesn't help my performance rating, then so be it.  I can live with that. 

So I feel like I've found my next calling, but this time I have to figure out how to grow it and make it part of the everyday in my career!

Is Work Life Balance a Myth?

Ever since the birth of my daughter almost 2 years ago, I am constantly trying to find work life balance.  Some days it's to the extent that if I had the money, I would hire a life coach, because I feel like I'm never going to figure it out.  Today I spotted this article about how companies prefer employees that have no life outside of work.  I am disappointed, but not surprised because this is my life right now.  My company has a great reputation for work life balance and being family friendly, but the day to day reality is dependent upon your direct manager.  I have had a number of different bosses over the last 5 years, and they have varied greatly in management style.  One of the few consistencies among them is that they all talk the talk when it comes to flexibility but do not walk the walk.  No one wants to set precedent.  I've sought job shares or part-time opportunities at my current employer, but what it boils down to is that if you are at the manager level or above, those opportunities don't really exist.  I've made realistic proposals based on solid business cases and have been shot down repeatedly.  The sad thing is that I loved my job and was very motivated to do it well.  The constant battles over flexibility that I've lost have created what I would think is the least desirable scenario for an employer.  I am completely frustrated and unmotivated now.  In the past I was willing to log in and complete work tasks outside of business hours.  I am never going to do that again.  When I leave work, I don't give it another thought until I return to the office in the morning.  If I am not respected and the work I produce is not valued, then there is no reason for me to go above and beyond.  The job share proposals I've done would save the company money and create better continuity of service while creating jobs in a terrible economy.  I'm failing to see the downside.  It's a win-win!

This was bound to become an issue.  The technology that we have access to was either going to create great opportunities for work life balance or it was going to become a leash that all but those without lives were going to be strangled by.  Blackberries, laptops and smart phones should create a workplace that doesn't require a physical office or cube.  I know there are a few very successful businesses that have changed their business model so that they now lease or own small offices that allow their employees a place to work or hold meetings on an as needed basis.  Unfortunately, most of the corporate world is too much of a dinosaur to be able to shift that way.  It's a shame because I think they could save a lot of money. Not to mention that it is a "green" way to do business.  Another thing corporate America seems to want to say they do without having to follow through.

I also think this is an example of a few ruining it for the rest of us.  I know more people who are in search of work life balance than have no lives outside work.  My friends who are married to the job aren't in love with their jobs though.  They want more in their personal lives.  Which tells me that neither situation is ideal...a common theme in my life is that all things in moderation, nothing to excess is more than just a maxim, it's a highly desirable way of life.  The happiest people I know are those who have truly flexible job situations without penalties behind the scenes.  I know there is something better out there for me, I just seem to be having trouble finding it on my own.  Someday I'll find it.