Making New Friends

I must admit that I get a little worried sometimes that my daughter is going to wildly misbehave when she meets a new little friend.  Am I the only one?  It's not based in reality, as I know that there are going to be times when she just does not get along with another kid.  There will be personality conflicts, there will be tantrums for any reason or no reason.  All part of life and growing up.  But I can't help noticing that my parenting is being judged on her behavior.  Again, I dismiss it pretty much immediately, because it doesn't matter what other people think - pretty much every parenting decision I've ever made makes me a bad parent in someone's eyes.  But it flits through my mind.  I'm never going to let it get in the way of my daughter meeting new kids, that would be wrong.  Especially because she is such a social little girl.  She loves other kids, especially those who are smaller than she is.  "Bay-beee!!" 

In reality, we get a lot of compliments on our daughter's behavior.  Which makes me feel a little funny too.  I've always had to work at taking compliments graciously, especially if I don't feel like I did anything to earn them. We spent Saturday with a couple of dear friends and the one year old niece of one of those friends.  The one year old is a sweet baby, very mobile and with her own mischievous twinkle.  She has the sweetest dimpled smile!  The two had a great time together - my daughter noticed how much the baby liked french fries and started feeding her my fries at dinner.  My daughter also made quite an impression on the adults that she met for the first time that evening, and we've been invited to come back.  Such a nice feeling!!

On Sunday, we started doing the legwork on yet another possible home improvement project.  We are looking for a wood stove insert for our fireplace.  (Hooray!  The beauty of a wood fire without sucking all the heat out of the house and up the chimney!)  My daughter does pretty well out and about in stores, but there are so many variables that go into it.  Has she had her nap?  Is she hungry?  How restrictive do I have to be with wandering?  How kid-friendly is the store/staff?  I was actually surprised at how well this went, because I thought I would have to have her on lock down in a woodstove/fireplace showroom.  Fortunately, there was only one unit that was lit in the area that we were in, and it was easy to keep her clear of it.  They also had toys in store (though we had brought a few of our own just in case).  Several members of the staff commented on how happy and patient she was.  She was very good, though I hate that phrase, because I feel like it's used in inappropriate contexts, i.e. that people expect young children to be "good" even when their main form of communication is crying and body language. But I digress.

She had a great weekend, several fun outings despite rainy weather.  I love fall, but at the same time am sad that summer is over.  I am already getting nostalgic for warm days spent entirely outside!

Is Work Life Balance a Myth?

Ever since the birth of my daughter almost 2 years ago, I am constantly trying to find work life balance.  Some days it's to the extent that if I had the money, I would hire a life coach, because I feel like I'm never going to figure it out.  Today I spotted this article about how companies prefer employees that have no life outside of work.  I am disappointed, but not surprised because this is my life right now.  My company has a great reputation for work life balance and being family friendly, but the day to day reality is dependent upon your direct manager.  I have had a number of different bosses over the last 5 years, and they have varied greatly in management style.  One of the few consistencies among them is that they all talk the talk when it comes to flexibility but do not walk the walk.  No one wants to set precedent.  I've sought job shares or part-time opportunities at my current employer, but what it boils down to is that if you are at the manager level or above, those opportunities don't really exist.  I've made realistic proposals based on solid business cases and have been shot down repeatedly.  The sad thing is that I loved my job and was very motivated to do it well.  The constant battles over flexibility that I've lost have created what I would think is the least desirable scenario for an employer.  I am completely frustrated and unmotivated now.  In the past I was willing to log in and complete work tasks outside of business hours.  I am never going to do that again.  When I leave work, I don't give it another thought until I return to the office in the morning.  If I am not respected and the work I produce is not valued, then there is no reason for me to go above and beyond.  The job share proposals I've done would save the company money and create better continuity of service while creating jobs in a terrible economy.  I'm failing to see the downside.  It's a win-win!

This was bound to become an issue.  The technology that we have access to was either going to create great opportunities for work life balance or it was going to become a leash that all but those without lives were going to be strangled by.  Blackberries, laptops and smart phones should create a workplace that doesn't require a physical office or cube.  I know there are a few very successful businesses that have changed their business model so that they now lease or own small offices that allow their employees a place to work or hold meetings on an as needed basis.  Unfortunately, most of the corporate world is too much of a dinosaur to be able to shift that way.  It's a shame because I think they could save a lot of money. Not to mention that it is a "green" way to do business.  Another thing corporate America seems to want to say they do without having to follow through.

I also think this is an example of a few ruining it for the rest of us.  I know more people who are in search of work life balance than have no lives outside work.  My friends who are married to the job aren't in love with their jobs though.  They want more in their personal lives.  Which tells me that neither situation is ideal...a common theme in my life is that all things in moderation, nothing to excess is more than just a maxim, it's a highly desirable way of life.  The happiest people I know are those who have truly flexible job situations without penalties behind the scenes.  I know there is something better out there for me, I just seem to be having trouble finding it on my own.  Someday I'll find it.

A Work In Progress

"Having a baby changes everything."  Yeah, no kidding.  Whoever came up with this slogan for Johnson & Johnson is a genius, as there are few statements in life more accurate.  He or she also has a talent for understatement.  My daughter is almost two and I'm still recovering!  I wish I could say that I have it all figured out, but that would be such a huge white lie.

Yep.  It's another mommy blog.  But why??  Mainly because I like to talk.  Okay, by talk, I really mean vent.  And I've been told that it's very entertaining.  So being a generous type, I figured I'd share with the class.  Who am I? Check out my profile in the sidebar, it'll give you my deets, as a teen-aged baby sitter recently phrased it.  In addition to being the proud parents of a mischievous little girl, we are the owners of a 60-something year old house that is always in need of TLC.  We are in the process of putting an addition on the house, a project we started in April 2007.  We had no kitchen for 2+ years.  Did I mention that I am a very patient person?  At least in my own mind, that is.  I'm also a glutton for punishment, because just as the end of the renovation came into view, I got pregnant.  With the birth of our daughter, we unwittingly extended the duration of this now never ending project.  See quote above.  Our focus completely shifted.  I don't anticipate it being done anytime soon.  I've made peace with it.  My husband hasn't.  Our toddler thinks the work in progress areas look like fun and tries to find ways to escape into the forbidden zone whenever possible.

I am a full time working mom.  If you are looking for one of those working moms who is super organized and has it all figured out, this is not the blog for you.  I am struggling to find that perfect work/life balance (more on that later).  I refuse to believe that it is mythical!  Babyhood goes by too fast to not enjoy every minute of it, so I definitely tend to skew more to the life side of the scale right now.  There are certainly days when I would love to be a full time stay at home mom, but financially that isn't going to happen anytime soon.  Plus, I do have a selfish bone in my body.  I love being able to go to the bathroom by myself and getting to eat lunch without having to get up sixteen times or having little fingers manhandle my food.  I like talking to adults who speak in full sentences.  Would a more flexible work arrangement, like part-time, be better?  Sure!!  But I haven't been able to find one that meets my needs.  I did find a great one in Singapore recently.  My husband doesn't think I would enjoy the commute from the East Coast.  (A side note - I know I mentioned in my profile that I have a part time job already.  It is VERY part time.  And the pay reflects that.)  I have to admit that he's probably right.  My current commute is 5 miles, 10 if it is my turn for daycare drop off or pick up.

My daughter does go to daycare, and she LOVES it.  She started at 4 1/2 months and early on developed a friendship with two other babies in her room.  I've heard all about parallel play and how that's all young children are capable of.  I'm not buying it, I've seen this trio in action.  They've been interacting for ages.  When the first learned to crawl, she would crawl over to one of the others, lay her head on her friend and they would both smile like crazy.  Fast forward to today, they are still together in toddlers:  there is the little mama of the group; the coy diva; and the laid back surfer dude.  They chase each other around, squabble over toys, and give each other hugs and kisses.  We are blessed with incredible caregivers who love my daughter like she is their own.  They are also far better equipped to tackle the mess fun learning projects that I couldn't (okay, still can't) face.  An example:  they started her finger painting at 5 months old!!  I was still struggling to get dinner on the table every other night (or so) at that point, let alone getting laundry and other chores done.  Re-reading this, it maybe sounds a little like I am trying to rationalize having my daughter in daycare.  I'm not.  I felt guilty at the beginning, no question.  But now I'm very secure in the knowledge that she is very well taken care of and loved while I am at work, and she is developing social skills that would be hard to come by as an only child in this day and age.  And did I mention that she loves it?

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