I am experiencing performance anxiety on a couple of fronts right now. I am applying for jobs, and each one has a questionnaire online that is the first weed out. I have a tendency to overthink answering these questions, which are directly related to the skills required to get hired for the job. I read the posting and think to myself, "I can do this job, no problem!" Then I get into the questionnaire and start second guessing myself, "Well, I know this, but do I technically have 'experience' in it? I should answer no to this." And I don't even want to think about how I psych myself out on the open ended questions. I am generally an articulate person, but on these essay questions I lose my ability to put two words together coherently.
I didn't have this much trouble with the bar exam, for crying out loud!!
I am also getting nervous about running my first race since before my daughter was born. Most people probably would have started with a 5k, but for some reason I saw this 8k at my alma mater and couldn't resist. I live about 5 minutes from campus, which added to the appeal. I then told my sister-in-law about it, because she has recently started running as well, and she signed up too. So there is no chickening out! My legs have felt like lead this week - I'm tired and my allergies are raging. It has been beautiful weather for the past week, sunny and warm. We don't usually get this many days in the 70s this time of year, so I was happy thinking that it will be a beautiful spring morning to go for a run. It's not meant to be. The forecast for Sunday morning is 60 degrees and pouring rain. I should have known that would happen, as Murphy and I are good friends. I generally don't run outside when it's raining, as there are few things I hate more than being cold and wet.
I especially dislike having cold wet feet, a fact that my dad teased me about for years. When I was a teenager, I was a competitive swimmer. I swam year round, spent most of my time wet, and would go outside with wet hair in the dead of winter (it did freeze, in case you were wondering), without a second thought. But stepping in a puddle and having cold wet feet made me absolutely miserable. So the idea of running in the rain in any season but summer is not something that exhilirates me.
Still, there are many upsides that I have to keep in mind. Once I get warmed up, I think I can make the 5 miles...if I don't stop. Once I get in my groove, I feel like I can go forever. It's actually very much like when I was a distance swimmer. I had two speeds - on and off. If I can get "on", then I will be fine. And no matter how I do, I will set a personal record (PR), because it's a distance I have never raced before.
And finally, I don't want to wish the rain away - we are on the verge of a drought here, and I would rather have some rain than end up in a drought situation. It has been nice to have our solar panels generating so much energy and hot water (building up a credit to pay for our air conditioning this summer!), but I also plant a vegetable garden each year and I want to be able to put my seedlings outside to get rained on and start to harden off.
I feel better now that I've given myself this little pep talk. I am excited to apply for a new job and try something new, and to run a distance I've never tried before. I need to keep my eye on the prize and not talk myself out of great experiences!