I am definitely a creature of habit.
At the same time, I like a good challenge.
It's a quandary, for sure. I have been in my current job for four years and in this department for seven years. In many ways, I am ready for a change. But there are thoughts that are holding me back from opening the door to a new job, a new challenge.
I want to stay with the company that I currently work for. Which should be possible, as it is a huge company with a variety of different operations within a reasonable commute from my home. I need to keep my benefits, especially health benefits. I would be able to keep DD in her daycare, with her friends. This is good for both of us, she gets to stay with her friends, I get peace of mind. At a premium price. But that's a topic for another time.
There are surprisingly few job opportunities at my level for a licensed attorney outside of the formal legal department. And the reason I'm not looking for a job in the legal department because they won't hire me. Despite all the internal experience I have, I don't have five to ten years of experience in a big law firm, so they won't consider me for an attorney position. I'm okay with this. I've never had an interest in working eighty-hour-or-longer weeks. If I were, I would have that big firm experience they want. Work life balance was important to me even before DD was born.
I also find it frustrating that I can't get hired in an area that I technically don't have experience in, but I do have the skills to learn the job and excel at it. I know the company, and I know the business.
How am I supposed to gain experience in an area if no one will give me a chance to prove that I can do it? Conversely, how do I convince someone to hire me if I don't have the exact, minute experience that they are requiring?
Let's put those questions aside for a moment. I'm also going to put aside the fact that in this economy, there is more competition for fewer jobs, with more qualified applicants than ever before. Let's focus on why I am ambivalent about that next opportunity. Every now and then, an opportunity that I would have jumped at in the past comes across my desk. I should jump at it now, right? I hesitate every time. I'm psyching myself right out of the job market. Questions immediately start running through my head. I'm going to tackle these one at a time in hopes of putting them to rest forever. If I can't, maybe someone can comment and tell me how I can look at it differently.
What if I don't like the boss/the management style?
There are variations on this one, but they all really boil down to this. It's not like I haven't dealt with change in this area before. In a two year stretch, I had eight different bosses. Yes, eight. In. Two. Years. And believe it or not, it's actually gotten worse since then. I lost count at some point, partially because of my maternity leave. So it's in the range of twelve in three or four years. I haven't reported into the same boss for more than five months at a time due to reorganizations and bosses moving to new positions. There have been many different management styles in that time. I should be used to change. Heck, I might even gain more stability. Not sure why this is such an issue for me.
What if there is no flexibility/less flexibility than my current job?
My company offers a great many flexibility options. However, it is the discretion of each individual manager as to whether one can take advantage of them. In the past I have requested job sharing, reducing my hours to part-time or working from home a set day or two per week. All of these requests for formal flexibility have been denied. There is informal flexibility that I can take advantage of on a less regular basis. Things like working from home on occasion, coming in later and leaving later as opposed to a strict 9-5, or going to doctor's appointments during the day. I need to turn around my thinking on this one - my question should be: what if there is a lot more flexibility and I am missing out on a great opportunity for a job I would love that would fit well with my life outside of work?
What if I don't like the work?
I don't really have an answer for this one. I like what I do now, and I am an expert in the subject matter, but it's not an area I can come back to if I move on. The only answer I can come up with is that if I don't like it, I can always look for another opportunity after the commitment time has expired. Wouldn't it be great if you could test drive a job?
What if I don't mesh with the other people on the team?
I've got nothing on this one.
Do I really want to be a people manager again?
Don't get me wrong, I loved the people on my team, and I really enjoyed helping them to grow. The issue is really more with workload. Being a people manager is like having a job and a half for the same pay as someone at the same level who doesn't manage people. And there is a lot of paperwork involved, to the extent that it is overwhelming. If I had an administrative assistant to help with this, different story. But that's not part of the deal.
People management also potentially means additional folks keeping tabs on comings and goings. I work out my schedule with my manager. I am flexible with those who work for me and my philosophy is, worry about yourself, not about your neighbor (or your manager). If someone isn't pulling their weight, there will be consequences. Not everyone shares this same philosophy and some are just tattle tales. Not sure I am ready to deal with this again. It's a question of whether the positives outweigh the negatives, and I just don't know if they do.
What if the commute turns out to be horrible?
I am so spoiled when it comes to commuting. I live five miles from my office. I believe there are three traffic lights. This is not to say that I haven't paid my dues. I spent several years with a commute that took an hour or more to go the ten miles to the office. The same drive takes fifteen minutes when it isn't rush hour. I hate that. The problem is that some of the other offices my company has would involve that exact same commute. I just don't think I can deal with it.
Why can't I find a job share or a part time job at my current level?
This is my own personal holy grail. I hear that it exists, even within my company. I wonder why these arrangements aren't more common, especially the job share. Is it just me, or doesn't it seem like a win-win situation? It would cost the company less financially and give them two employees who are more motivated, more engaged and more productive? Isn't this the definition of "do more with less"?
When it comes down to it, I need to push myself to change. So I am going to just grit my teeth, close my eyes, hit submit, and say a little prayer that I find the right job for me. Wish me luck!!
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